Become a 'booker' and embrace the role of Communications Traffic Officer

First published on LinkedIn, April 2024

"It is not distance that keeps people apart, but lack of communication."
Anonymous, cited in Ana McGinley’s Parental Guidance: Long Distance Care for Aging Parents

​On a visit to South Africa a few years back I talked with a local woman who complained she couldn’t phone her elderly, New Zealand-based father whenever she felt like it. He’d chosen to leave his African homeland, and she saw it as her right to speak with him whenever she was inclined. It didn’t matter if it was early morning or late at night in New Zealand.

My research informed me that well-functioning South African Distance Families are ‘bookers’. In other words, they proactively create soft communication routines that all parties agree on.
Knowing the family dynamics back in New Zealand and how troublesome the random calls were, I gently suggested she become a ‘booker’. She wasn’t impressed.

What is a 'booker'?

One solution to Distance Family communication dilemmas, especially if you’re the away generation with children, is to embrace the role of Communication Traffic Officer and become a ‘booker’. Imagine yourself standing in the centre of an intersection, fully conversant with time zone restrictions and deciding who can drive (or talk) and when. Expats and migrants may resent this responsibility, but the advantage is that you’re in control, and that’s a handy place to be. All parties are talking at times that suit them. If family from afar experience an urge to ring you at what could be an inconvenient time for you, they’re less likely to do so if they know they’re ‘booked’ to talk in a day or two.
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Of course, all chat routines don’t have to be regimented. I’m also a fan of random potluck calls. In fairness, I receive more than I make because our family are 'bookers', but either way, each party knows that if the time isn’t right to speak up. Random potluck calls are my Distance Families bonus extra.