“I am sick of shoveling snow”

First published on Linked In, January 2024

When you reflect about distance grandparenting, one’s thoughts gravitate to the ‘left behind kin’ - the parents and grandparents of families who had no say in the decision of their departing son or daughter.
There’s another group of distance grandparents where the people's movement pattern is in the opposite direction – the grandparents decide to move, often leaving behind previously geographically close adult children and grandchildren.

I have just returned from an epic, 7+ week, Northern Hemisphere Christmas/New Year holiday visiting distance children and grandchildren in Scotland and England and a three-week-old grandson in Chicago. When we landed in Chicago, a good dump of snow covered the city. We gingerly navigated the slushy, icy airport carpark all the time, avoiding a snow plow going about its business.

A couple of days later, we woke to an even heavier snow dump. Citizens must keep certain paths and laneways snow and ice-free, as best as they are able. Our son appreciated our offer to help but added a “by the way” that medical authorities report a high level of heart attacks from morning snow shoveling activities. We assured him our tickers were okay. Thus began my first experience of shoveling snow. As a New Zealander unaccustomed to winter wonderland scenes, this was a novelty. I was also treading carefully, acutely aware that any ice patch could have me slipping over, heading to an expensive hospital in search of a shiny new hip.

The next morning, we woke to another dump and once again donned coats, hats, scarves, and gloves and dutifully attended to the neighbourly task. This time, the novelty had worn off.

After decades of living through winters like this, I can well imagine the appeal for North American seniors of living in the likes of Florida and becoming ‘snowbirds’ with no more snow shoveling and all the challenges of extreme cold weather. But goes with this, the guilt of moving away from family, some of whom are supportive but most, are understandably less than impressed.

There’s a certain expectation that grandparents should prioritise being grandparents above all else, while their adult children don’t see being a constantly handy son or daughter as a priority. There can’t be one rule for one generation and a different rule for another. What’s ideal is a broad understanding that each generation does what’s best for them, at their stage in life, while the other generation works at accepting and making the most of the situation all the while supporting each other from afar.
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The PostScript to this story is if you are a distance grandparent and wish you could have more time with your overseas grandkids visit during their winter. The snowstorms caused the cancellation of our final return flight from Chicago, giving us a bonus extra 24 hours with bubs!