Learning to think about the ‘other’

As a researcher and author, I’ve spent years exploring the lives of families separated by geography, and one thing is clear: distance stirs up a wide range of emotions that sit just below the surface for most of us. Whether it’s longing, love, pride, or worry, these feelings don’t always show—but they’re there, ready to spill over at unexpected moments.
I remember the day a neighbour handed me her six-week-old baby to hold. As I cradled that tiny bundle, I felt a rush of emotion as thoughts of my new faraway grandson flooded in. For a moment, I couldn’t hold back the tears. It reminded me that even when we place those feelings on a mental “shelf,” they’re never far from reach.
When people learn that I am an author and write about families separated by geography, their responses often surprise me. I’ve seen total strangers—a shop assistant, a fellow traveller, someone I’ve just met—suddenly tear up and pour out their distance family story. There’s something universally moving about being separated from loved ones. These emotions—homesickness, love, grief, pride, and even guilt—are all rooted in a deep desire to stay connected.
But here’s the good news: intergenerational distance families who are intentional about connecting can thrive. Staying close across continents is possible! While distance can sometimes feel like a barrier, families that nurture a genuine understanding of each other's lives across miles find a strength that’s hard to break.
And here’s one of the most rewarding ways to keep those bonds strong: cultivate a real hunger to understand “how it is” for the other. What does that mean? Well, while you intimately know what it’s like to be an expat in a new country, or a grandparent back home, how often do you consider the unique challenges your family members face on their side of the world?
So much goes unspoken in distance families, simply because:

• The family back home doesn’t want to cause worry
• The “away” generation doesn’t want to be seen complaining because most times they chose to leave
• And the grandchildren, after all, never chose where they live

​
If you’re a migrant or expat what might come of asking your folks back home, “How does it feel to see grandparents collecting grandchildren at the school gate?” Or if you’re the grandparent at home ask your away son or daughter, “How are you adjusting to the culture at work?” or enquiring of your grandkids, “What’s it like to have an accent that stands out?”
One of my favourite mantras is: “With understanding comes empathy, and empathy is gold for distance families.” Even if these questions are hard to ask, always look beyond your own situation and imagine what life might be like from their perspective. It’s an exercise that deepens understanding, strengthens empathy, and enriches the bonds that hold our families together—across any distance.