 Over recent weeks, as we followed the FIFA World Cup, we were constantly reminded that some parts of the world say “football” while others say “soccer”. Here in New Zealand, we comfortably call it soccer. Hearing the game referred to as football may sound slightly unfamiliar, but most of us understand that neither term is right nor wrong. The same principle applies to Distance Families. How does it feel as a Kiwi grandparent when your distance American grandchild refers to your daughter as “Mom” rather than “Mum”? It may seem like a small thing, but for many distance grandparents, these little differences carry surprising emotional weight. My American-based daughter works hard to ensure her boys call her Mum because it remains an important part of her New Zealand identity—and ours. She has wholeheartedly embraced American life and culture, but this is one area where she chooses to hold on to her roots. I love hearing her sons say “Mum”. The reverse happens too. My daughter searches high and low for birthday cards to send to me that say “Mum” instead of “Mom”. When a card arrives with the American spelling, I know she has done her best. I would never be upset. Of course, it does not always work out that way. In many families, especially when the other parent is less conscious of preserving other’s linguistic traditions, local language norms naturally take over. “Mom” rolls effortlessly off young tongues travelling across the Pacific, often without any awareness that there is an alternative. These are the small paper cuts of being a distance grandparent—moments that rarely register with others yet quietly remind us of the miles between us. They are not major problems, just gentle reminders that distance messes with family life in subtle and poignant ways. First published in The Westerly
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