March Newsletter

Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Few families are truly "happy, happy families"—despite what Facebook suggests. Estrangement is common, even across distances, with some choosing to move overseas or across the country to escape family tensions.
When I came across an article by my two favorite authors on estrangement and disconnected families, I knew it worthy of sharing.  Joshua Coleman and Karl Pillemer quote sociologist Amy Schalet, who describes family relations as shaped by “adversarial individualism”—the idea that identity is formed in defiance of parents rather than collaboration with them. Their article is a balanced, insightful read offering expert, down-to-earth solutions for disconnected and estranged families. Highly recommended!

​Academic research on distance families is rare, so when a new article is published, it goes straight to the top of my reading list.
Weronika Kloc-Nowak and Louise Ryan’s piece, "I Kiss The Screen, But It Is Not the Same" – Grandparenting in Geographically Dispersed Families, is a must-read. While global distance families often get the spotlight, this article also acknowledges those living apart within the same country—a lesser-studied but equally important reality. Click the link to explore their valuable insights.

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BOOK SERIES NEWS

​Looking for a meaningful gift? Being a Distance Grandparent and Being a Distance Son or Daughter acknowledge pivotal family roles.
If you’re an expat, gifting the Son/Daughter book to your parents can help them understand your world. Likewise, if you’re a grandparent, Being a Distance Grandparent offers connection and perspective.
The subtitle of each book- "A Book for ALL Generations"—reflects its wide relevance. Understanding your experience is valuable, but so is gaining insight into other generations in your family.
I'm sharing a photo of my book covers in my office, along with scenes representing where my three distance adult children live. I love this collage.

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ON THE HOME FRONT

​We've had a blessed Southern Hemisphere summer with our three overseas children visiting New Zealand, along with the families of two. Since mid-December, we’ve only had three weeks without guests—it’s been huge, noisy, hectic, and often crazy. Our new apartment has coped, though at times it felt like it was bursting at the seams. We’re deeply grateful they made the journey Downunder, knowing the effort it takes to step away from work, pack up life, and juggle visits, sightseeing, and reunions.
Our home became the hub—endless food and drinks ferried up the lift, meals prepared, leftovers recycled. We’re no strangers to hosting; our eldest has lived abroad for 35 years, making us veterans of visits in either direction. Yet each time, we reflect—children grow, new grandchildren appear, and life moves into fresh seasons.
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​A Few Reflections
Our three overseas kids, and their children, love New Zealand. We’re grateful they make the effort, even for brief stays. Despite the distance, we don’t feel disconnected—our relationships are simply different from those who live closer.

This visit brought a special guest—our son's US mother-in-law, visiting NZ for the first time. Born the same day and year as me, we quickly rekindled common ground as two Scorpios with shared values. It was a joy getting to know her better. Two grandmothers, one grandson—no problem. We understood our places in the family dynamic and embraced them. He is her only grandchild, and he’s lucky to have her two hours down the road.
After all these years of long-distance family, we had a ‘first’: our son and daughter-in-law wanted to show her mom around NZ but could do more without their 14-month-old in tow. They entrusted him to us for four days and three nights—our first solo distance grandparenting experience! Not that our other distance adult children ever doubted us, but overnight stays had always been a step too far. This little one was a dream—12-hour night sleeps, three-hour naps, eating everything, always smiling. Even if it never happens again, we’ll cherish those blissful days of one-on-one grandparenthood.
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The Realities of Hosting
Visits demand both emotional and physical resilience. ​The first, we managed. The second—less so. ​I injured my​

​ankle just before the February arrivals, greeting them in a moon boot and knee scooter. Then, my husband and I caught a throat infection, leaving us run-down. Hosting while under the weather is a tough gig.
Another reality of these visits? Regular life goes on hold. I pride myself on multi-tasking, but the author/researcher/blogger part of me had to take a back seat. My office became a temporary bedroom, and my laptop sat on a tea trolley in our bedroom. So, my apologies for the radio silence.
The last guests left on Friday. We’re back to being Darby and Joan. Saying goodbye at the airport was bittersweet, not knowing when we’ll see them next. But we also need to reclaim our regular rhythm for our health and well-being—just as they return to their lives. Our Distance Grandparent/Parent tanks are overflowing, and for that, we are deeply grateful.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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