January Newsletter

Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​There’s something special about Christmas that brings families together, even those who don’t follow the Christian calendar. December seems to beckon family visits, as children are off school, workplaces are more generous with vacation time, and there’s an undeniable festive spirit in the air.

​This past December, I made two trips to the Arrivals Hall at Auckland International Airport. As always, I found myself absorbed in the art of people-watching. There’s something uniquely magical about the airport during Christmas. The usual comings and goings transform into a heartwarming spectacle: balloons bobbing in the air, festive hats on eager heads, flowers in hand, homemade signs waving, and an abundance of joy. Watching these reunions unfold—complete with laughter, hugs, and even tears—felt like stepping into real-life scenes from Love Actually.

​Speaking of which, I adore that movie. A year ago, when we were in London, the familiar tunes from its soundtrack filled the city streets from speakers hooked up to passing rickshaw rides. It instantly transported me back to Hugh Grant’s dancing Prime Minister, his unforgettable singing bodyguard, and the ensemble cast that captured the essence of love and connection during the holidays.

​If you had the joy of visiting family or welcoming loved ones this Christmas, I hope it was a time of special memories and heartfelt moments.

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BOOK SERIES NEWS

​When people discover that I’m an author writing about families separated by geography, their responses often catch me off guard. Total strangers—a shop assistant, a fellow traveller, or someone I’ve just met—open up, often with teary eyes, to share their own distance family stories.

Just a few days ago, this happened again at The Fantail House —a treasure trove of artisan New Zealand wares. While replenishing their stock of my books, a woman approached me and said, “My son’s in London. There are no grandkids yet, but that will be me in a few years, I’m sure.”
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Her words carried the bittersweet blend of pride and longing that’s so familiar to Distance Families. There’s something deeply moving about being separated from 

 ​loved ones. Emotions like homesickness, love, grief, pride, and even guilt stem from a shared desire to remain connected across miles and years. But here’s the good news: intergenerational distance families can thrive when they approach connection with intention. While physical distance may create challenges, families that actively nurture understanding and empathy for one another find their bonds growing stronger.

One of the most powerful ways to keep those bonds vibrant is to cultivate a genuine curiosity about “how it is” for your loved ones. This means stepping outside your own experience and imagining life from their perspective.
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If you’re a migrant or expat, consider asking your parents back home, “How do you feel when you see 

​​grandparents picking up children at school?” If you’re a grandparent, try asking your children abroad, “How are you adjusting to the workplace culture?” or your grandkids, “What’s it like having an accent that stands out?”
These conversations don’t just provide insight—they build empathy, deepen understanding, and create a stronger foundation for connection.

Each book in the Distance Families book series carries the subtitle A Book for ALL Generations because fostering mutual understanding is a shared effort. Want to discover how to better connect with your family members across the miles? Explore the entire series and take the first step toward truly understanding “how it is” for your “other.”

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ON THE HOME FRONT

​December brought a special visitor to our home—my U.K. stepson, here for a month-long stay. To prepare, we shuffled furniture in one of our new offices to create a cozy bedroom, and thankfully, it’s worked out beautifully.

Whenever one of our three overseas adult children (and their families) comes to town, life shifts into high gear. The usual household rhythm transforms into what feels like a production line: tackling mountains of laundry, filling up supermarket trolleys, and cooking meals on a larger scale than usual. It’s busy, but it’s also joyful.

Socializing also ramps up during these visits, especially since we’ve moved house and now have a new space to share. While I wouldn’t call myself an avid entertainer, I’ve realized I’m pretty good at bringing people together. I’m often the first to say, “Come to us!” and I take pride in creating opportunities for connection—whether for visiting family, friends, or those just passing through.
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I know these gatherings are meaningful because people tell me so, but I’ve also learned that many dread

​​​hosting. That’s why I’ve embraced a simple mantra: If it’s meant to be it's up to me. My approach is straightforward: no fuss, no frills. I want hosting to feel doable—for myself and for anyone who might be inspired to try it.

Of course, family visits often come with their own unique challenges, like working remotely from different time zones. My stepson, for example, has to teach online lectures this week from 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. To make it work, we shuffled more furniture, set up a makeshift workstation, and stocked up on essentials like a thermos of tea and plenty of snacks. It’s not ideal, but it worked - flexibility makes all the difference.

These visits remind me that while hosting and adapting can be a lot of work, the memories and connections built during these times are always worth it.

Finally,  my second hip replacement has been very successful. I am near enough pain free and enjoying my wonderful new installations!

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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