July Newsletter

Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

The circumstances of 'away' distance family generations can be vary hugely. At one end are families moving countries every few years backed up by wrap-around corporate support, to permanently based families where there's very little support. They share that extended family live at a distance but their on the ground experiences can be quite different.

There is no shortage of global mobility research, publicity, support and understanding of the ‘on the move’ families. An industry exists, full to the brim with relocation experts, well-functioning global HR departments, international schools, global education advisors, cultural advisors, life coaches and more. The path of these families isn’t easy, but they're  not alone.

​The lot of permanent migrants is completely different. 

They're forced to blend in and figure it out, making it mainly a DIY 'adventure'. More often than not, it was their choice to move. They feel a sense of responsibility to make it work… come what may. Thrown into the mix are the children’s experiences, which can differ, even in the same family. The outcomes for these children is an aspect of global mobility that sits under the radar.

In August FIGT ANZA will host a New Zealand focused migrant webinar about these permanent migrant children. Auckland is one of the most diverse cities in the world with the fourth highest foreign-born population at 39%. Every day migrant children flip-flop between their home, school and friend cultures. How does this affect them? Even their name can flip-flop. This article is a real eye opener.
​
If you have an interest in this topic, you are very welcome to sit in on this online event when I interview Miki Brooks. For more info and to register please click here.

---

BOOK SERIES NEWS

One of the joys of being an author are ‘meet the author’ events when you chat with readers who for me, are also the subject of my books. Thanks to the generous hospitality of Chicago’s expat supporter, Linda Mueller, I recently enjoyed this treat-twice. We co-hosted two sessions (daytime and evening). 
The venue was unique… a private club that felt like a secret speakeasy bar. Check out Birch Road. We sipped coffee/wine, ate nibbles, and discussions flowed.

​One of the main concerns raised by attendees was how to care for elderly parents who live far away. It’s the toughest gig of expat/migrant life. It was hard not reach for my well-thumbed and tabbed copy of Being a Distance Daughter and remind them of the chapters and topics they can access to help their journey.

• Declining and Caring At a Distance
• To Travel or Not to Travel
• Death at a Distance and Settling Affairs

I was also frank about never being what I call the ‘Out of Town Expert with the Briefcase’. Who is that? It's the sibling who flies home when there’s a problem and directs everyone about with great gusto. Time is short and there’s much to do. However, what the visitor overlooks is all that the local siblings and extended family, over time, have come to recognise and appreciate about the current issues. Their concerns and first hand knowledge need to be considered. The visiting sibling should first ask how they can best support those on the ground, before taking control.

---

ON THE HOME FRONT

We thoroughly enjoyed 5 weeks visiting family in U.S.A. We saw our new wee grandson again, our older grandsons who met their new cousin for the first time, our daughter, son and daughter-in-law and met dozens of their friends. The latter is a very important part of our visits. They want us to experience ‘their USA’ – their homes, where they work, their friends, where they like to hang out etc. This trip also included grandson, end-of-school-year events which I can thoroughly recommend timing visits around, as a way of learning more about your grandchildren’s worlds.
​
In my last newsletter I mentioned our grandson's new, enthusiastic interest in all-things cricket. In  Being a Distance Daughter I ask the question, What is your Distance Family 'currency'? 

​Finding your Distance Family currency is helpful. What interests do you have in common with your parents and/or parents-in-law and extended family? Is it fishing, art, football, running, board games, kite flying, camping or something else? These will always be the easiest to nurture. Stick with what you’re good at and accept that some things aren’t your cup of tea. Comparing your currency to that of other families is a gigantic waste of time.

This visit our shared currencies were home made fruit cake transported across the Pacific (always a winner), cricket and chess (another new currency). It had been decades since I've played chess and the brain was a tad rusty. But what the heck, my 9 year old grandson loved beating Nanma. I'll need to brush up my chess before his next visit.

---

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***