Story Examples
Scroll down for story examples from each generation.
Distance grandparent stories
Early November on a Friday evening we flew from bustling Hong Kong to chaotic Bangkok. Thailand travel guides state November is the best time to visit: “cool and dry” they say. For my husband and me Bangkok felt just like its normal hot and steamy self. We stood in the jam-packed airport train heading to a central station, suitcases in tow. Eventually we spied our American, expat son-in-law buried in the moving crowd and together we tackled the ‘MRT’, Bangkok’s metro for the next leg. Later we stood precariously on the road a short distance from the curb, vigorously hailing a cab for the final kilometre or so. Cars, motorbikes and mayhem passed dangerously close to us and eventually we caught the eye of a driver whose taxi had a glowing red ‘vacant’ sign. We piled in and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Shortly after a feeling of serenity and calm washed over me as we entered the familiar guarded apartment complex. When I walked into the ground floor apartment my daughter was not there. “Lucy must be outside in the communal garden”. In the next room, a tiny bundle lay in a bassinette, hovered over by an unfamiliar, local nanny, bowing to me with her eyes lowered. I nodded and smiled in a confused manner, all the while berating myself for my lack of instinctive cultural etiquette. My mind was focused elsewhere: “I need to find my daughter. She would want to be here when I hold my grandson for the first time." Helen Ellis
Born: New Zealand Home: New Zealand Distance family: Atlanta, Chicago, London, Edinburgh |
A young mum neighbour called out to me as I was walking past her house inviting me inside to have a cuddle with her new-born; her second child. Surrounded by toddler activity, toys, laundry and baby paraphernalia, I found a gap on the welcoming couch and cradled the adorable six-week-old. From nowhere, tears poured down my cheeks and I was somewhat embarrassed. I had to reassure my concerned hostess and the confused toddler that nothing was actually wrong. I quickly realised it had been several months since I had visited my small grandchildren in America. When I cradled my neighbour’s baby, the vacuum of my sense of touch, was being momentarily ‘topped up’. The experience was overwhelming. |
Distance son or daughter stories
Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore says it is hard to explain your new identity and home to extended family at home.
"This is because often those who know you the best or the longest will question you and your habits more. They may comment on how much you have changed after living abroad and you may find that you view your own country or your family and friends differently based on your time spent abroad." Mariam Navaid Ottimofiere This Messy Mobile Life, 2019 (p.225) Born: Karachi, Pakistan Home: Karachi, Pakistan Current location: Dubai Distance family: Pakistan & Italian/German |
"My choice to live overseas means I missed my grandpa's funeral. I missed two cousins' weddings. I wasn't there when each of my parents went through cancer diagnoses, treatments, and all-clears. I have cousins I've never met [...] And then comes the guilt. Knowing that I can only blame myself. That I'm the one who decided to go. That I could be closer but chose not to be. Knowing I valued something more highly than being near the family members I love so dearly. That's a hard truth to face - and yet also a hard one to escape!" Tanya Crossman, Expat guilt: being far from family, 2018
Born: Australia Home: Beijing, China Current location: Australia (temporarily) Distance family: Australia |
Distance grandchild stories
I am someone who is very involved in the LGBTQ+ community, and it is a large aspect of my life that I don’t really include any of my grandparents in. They grew up in an era where it was not commonplace to question sexual attraction or gender identity, and it is difficult for them to move past narrower mindsets in this area. It’s certainly possible, but being a distance grandchild makes it harder to communicate sensitive topics like this where being in person is usually preferred. For this reason, I omit bringing up anything that may cause a tangent of opinion simply because it is easier. It just means there is a part of me they don’t hear about so often.
I was able to surprise my Nana for her 80th birthday, after she had not seen her kiwi granddaughter for six years! Our only method of communicating was handwritten letters and phone calls. I flew from Switzerland where I was on exchange at 17yrs old, to Edinburgh for a treasured weekend. She thought she was going to lunch with my cousin, and as she arrived at the table to sit down, I appeared from behind a wall. She was crying happily, I was crying, even the servers in the restaurant were smiling widely. Nana couldn’t stop clutching my arms to convince herself I was real. We shared a good long hug, and an emotional lunch. She still keeps the sparkler decorations from our desserts on her dressing table.
Kayley Balderstone 20 yrs
Born: Edinburgh, Scotland
Home: Auckland, New Zealand
Current location: Edinburgh
Distance family: Auckland
Born: Edinburgh, Scotland
Home: Auckland, New Zealand
Current location: Edinburgh
Distance family: Auckland
Interested in story telling? My publisher/mentor Jo Parfitt has a personal mantra: 'I share what I know, to help others to grow'. Sharing your stories will help distance family generations. However, if the thought of voicing your stories over Skype, or putting pen to paper for even 10 minutes sends you into a spiral I can recommend Jo's wisdom. She says if we are feeling as though we have a tangle of thoughts and emotions in our heads, we can write our way into understanding and clarity. Louise Wiles from the 'Thriving Abroad' podcast talks to Jo during lock-down about writing through challenging times. Click on the link above, press 'play' and enjoy — I can recommend.
Helen Ellis
Helen Ellis