Survey

Welcome to the 'Being a distance son or daughter' global survey.

The purpose of this survey is to understand HOW it is, BEING a distance son or daughter. How do you relate to your distance parent/s and/or parent/s-in-law? And if you have children, how is their relationship with their distance grandparents? This is your opportunity to have your say and tell it as it is !

Please read the following before completing the survey

This survey will take xx - xxx minutes to complete, depending on whether both your parent's and parent's-in-law are distance, and whether or not you have children.
The survey needs to be done in one sitting. You can back track and change an answer also
This survey is user-friendly. No questions are compulsory. You can pick and choose what you answer, and most questions have an option to write your own response, if you prefer.

What is 'distance'? There is no hard and fast rule. You decide. As a suggestion ... if pre-COVID, it was logistically, near enough impossible to visit each other for a weekend....that is definitely 'distance'.

'Home' - You will find reference in some questions to 'home' (passport country). 'Home' can mean different things to different people, plus if you are in a bi-cultural partnership you may have two 'homes'. In most cases it is assumed 'home' is the location of your distance parents or parents-in-law.

Part 1. Your role/status/situation

I am a .... *

Distance son and/or son-in-law Distance daughter and/or daughter-in-law

I am a .... *

Young adult living away from home (e.g. at university) Single adult One half of a couple Parenting Solo One half of a couple with child/children

Some other situation .... *

My current location *

How long have you been an expat/migrant? *

My PRE-COVID status was ... *

Temporarily away from home. My intention was to return permanently in the near future (say within 2 yrs) An 'on the move' expat with assignments & work locations that change every few years. A permanent migrant Close to retirement expat/migrant unsure where I will finally settle Close to retirement intending to repatriate when the time comes

Some other status or comment *

The following describes my 2020 status, since COVID-19 appeared *

No change My situation might change. It remains uncertain I am seriously considering repatriating in the near future I am working on repatriating at this time I repatriated unexpectedly due to COVID I am considering moving somewhere else (other than home)

Some other scenario, or more info regarding your answer above *

Part 2 - Parental relationships & visits

The first set of questions relate to YOUR PARENT/S (close or distance)

The second set of questions relate to YOUR PARENT/S-IN-LAW (close or distance)

I am sorry if any of your parents or parents-in-law have already died. No questions are mandatory. Just answer those that apply to you. Helen Ellis

Your parent/s (not your in-laws)

Where do your parent/s live? *

If your parents live close enough for you to visit, for say for a, weekend, (pre-COVID), please skip the questions below, and head to Your parent/s-in-law

Are there other sibling/s handy to your parent/s? *

Some other description/information *

Parental visits in the past, before COVID, have been ... *

A mixture of either me/us going home or my parent/s visiting me I mainly go home My parent/s mainly visit me My parent/s travelled in the past but can’t/don’t now due to cost/ill health We have at least once met up somewhere else, and vacationed together I have a travel benefit with my/our employment contract that helps My parent/s have never travelled to me My parents have paid for us to visit them I have paid for my parents to visit us

Approximate frequency of visits *

Some other situation/information regarding visits *

How are parental visits, in either direction, for you? *

A highlight on the calendar and everyone looks forward to gathering A mixture of good and testing times and that’s just the way it is One of those things that needs to be done and ‘goes with the territory’ of living overseas. An obligation I could well do without A huge sacrifice of my precious annual leave A living nightmare every minute. Our family is fractured/disengaged. We rarely visit

Further comment *

Your parent/s-in-law

Where do your parent/s-in-law live? *

If your parent/s-in-law live close enough for you to visit each other for a weekend there is no necessity to complete the rest of the questions about 'Your Parent/s-in-law'. Please skip to Part 3 - Communication

Are there other sibling/s handy to your parent/s-in-law? *

FURTHER COMMENT *

Please explain the nature of parent/s-in-law visits (either direction) pre-COVID *

A mixture of either me/us going home or my parent/s/in-law visiting me I mainly go home My parent/s-in-law mainly visit me My parent/s-in-law travelled in the past but can’t/don’t now due to cost/ill health We have at least once met up somewhere else, and vacationed together My parent/s-in-law have never travelled to me The cost of travel in either direction is a constant issue

FURTHER COMMENT *

Frequency of visits in either direction? *

Parent/s-in-law visits, in either direction, have been ... *

A highlight on the calendar and everyone looks forward to gathering A mixture of good and stressful times and that’s just the way it is One of those things that needs to be done and ‘goes with the territory’ of living overseas. An obligation I could well do without A huge sacrifice of my precious annual leave A living nightmare every minute. Our family is fractured/disengaged. We rarely visit

FURTHER COMMENT *

Part 3 - Distance Communication

These questions could apply to your parents, or in-laws (or both), just depending on your own set of circumstances. The purpose of the questions is to establish your general communication regime with your DISTANCE parents and/or DISTANCE parents-in-law.

Please just answer the questions that apply to your situation.

Please describe your distance parents/s and/or parents-in-law level of digital competency *

Super fantastic, we use multiple platforms (video, text, email) and occasionally they teach me a thing or two Pretty good, open to learning new things and completely adequate for the purpose of connecting A little ‘hit n miss’. They ‘know what they know’ but we manage as long as I am patient They only want to use certain platforms. Our family experience could be enhanced if they were able to embrace other ways of connecting Often I give up when technology doesn’t work for them and I end up by phoning I have offered to buy them an iPad (or similar) but they always say “no”. They do not have/want the internet and we communicate by phone and/or mail only. They remain closed/suspicious regarding technology and I can’t see this changing They are too elderly or infirm to communicate with these days

Further comments *

Part 4 - Distance grandparent/grandchild relationships (if applicable)

Number and age range of your child/children *

Were your children born, at home or overseas? *

FURTHER COMMENTS *

Part 5 - How do you feel about these common distance familying issues?

Click one response from the click down menu. There is room for further commentary at the end.

Guilt of the left behind family *

Communication with family back home is frequently stressful *

There is little empathy from home regarding our current COVID situation *

My parent/s are not coping with COVID *

The new uncertainties that COVID-19 are forcing me to rethink my/our future in ways I have never been challenged before e.g. potentially repatriating *

I probably could be a better/nicer/more understanding of my distance parent/s and/or parent/s-in-laws *

I do not feel in control when my parent/s and/or parent/s-in-law engage with us. Likely I could be labelled a gate-keeper, rather than a gate-opener to our family *

Some other issue/comment regarding above *

What have been the UPSIDES of Distance Familying for all you and your parents/s and/or in-laws? (pre-COVID) *

Together our travel opportunities have widened our horizons Together we have grown culturally We may not see our distance family often, but when we do it is ‘full on’ and we create some fantastic memories ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’: yes there are ‘cons’ about distance familying, but the ‘pros’ have advantages also and we all don’t take them for granted

Further pre-COVID upsides of distance familying *

What have been the upsides of Distance Familying for all parties, thanks to COVID *

My parent/s (in-laws) have shown resilience and understanding during COVID about my extra load with schooling from home etc. My parent/s (in-laws) have been proactively supporting us more online in creative ways ZOOM has become a welcomed additional tool of our distance family communication regime COVID has meant I haven’t had to visit home or host family visitors and this has actually been a blessing! We have taken advantage to vacation somewhere else for a change, instead of visiting each other

Other COVID upsides to distance familying *

Part 6 - HAVE YOUR SAY!

What would you would LOVE to tell your DISTANCE parent/s and/or DISTANCE parents-in-law....but you're too afraid to say ! This is your chance

ANYTHING MISSING? *

Are there any issues about being a distance son or daughter that have not been raised in this survey, that are particularly important to you? *

Is there an aspect of being a distance son or daughter you would like to learn how to do better, and see it addressed in the book? *

How has this survey been for you ....? *

Cathartic - these subjects are rarely spoken of Comforting - I am obviously not alone with the issues I have Alarming - I had not realized that some distance sons & daughters cope with quite a lot Insightful Exhausting Exhausting - but worth it

Can this survey be improved? *

Want to keep in touch/contribute further?

Are you happy for me to email you with any other questions during the book writing process? There would be absolutely NO obligation to respond. Helen *

No thanks Yes - I am open. I may respond...I may not.

Your name *

Your email *

PLEASE REPEAT EMAIL *

A HUGE thank you. This was a BIG survey and I appreciate the time and thought you have taken to complete it. The findings will feature in my upcoming three books and contribute to my REASON for writing the books: to improve understanding and empathy between the different generations of distance families. Helen Ellis

Welcome to the 'Being a distance son or daughter'​ global survey.

Please read the following before completing the survey

Part 1. Your role/status/situation

Part 2 - Parental relationships & visits

Your parent/s (not your in-laws)

Your parent/s-in-law​

Part 3 - Distance Communication

Part 4 - Distance grandparent/grandchild relationships (if applicable)

Part 5 - How do you feel about these common distance familying issues?

Part 6 - HAVE YOUR SAY!

What would you would LOVE to tell your DISTANCE parent/s and/or DISTANCE parents-in-law....but you're too afraid to say ! This is your chance

Want to keep in touch/contribute further?

Welcome to the 'Being a distance son or daughter' global survey.

Your parent/s-in-law