November Newsletter

Welcome to the monthly newsletter from DistanceFamilies.com

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

October was full of terrific expat/migrant online events. ​I spoke at the #MentalandWellbeing online conference attended by expats from around the world. One attendee messaged me...

​Hello Helen, this was a really great and interesting talk and I think you hit the nail on the head saying that the biggest feeling the middle generation feels is guilt. That really hit home. I love your mission and think it's so, so important. Thanks for this!!

Later in October I facilitated the second FIGT ANZA online Author Panel. A handy place to find a diverse range of expat/global mobility books is the FIGT online bookstore. A one stop shop.
Between the six authors, my co-chair partner and myself we plugged in from 7 time zones. When you're looking for a way to ensure your time zone calcuations are correct I can recommend worldtimebuddy.

Thought provoking articles this month include one from BBC exposing native English speakers as the world’s worst communicators? Food for thought for sure. Relocation expert, Robyn Vogels offers practical advice to organisations who send families abroad. The mental health of the new employee, and the family needs to remain centre stage before, during and after a relocation. 
​Finally, here’s a super useful website to help us pack better.

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BOOK SERIES NEWS

October saw Being a Distance Son or Daughter finally land in South Africa. The paperback edition can be ordered from Takealot and loot. The South African distance family narrative is unique. Some stories shared with me have been pretty heartbreaking. 
​Here is an explanation from Being a Distance Grandparent. 

​"South Africa, where emigration is prolific, warrants special attention from the perspective of the left-behind Distance Parents and Distance Grandparents and their resulting kinlessness and uncertainty. The number of Distance Grandparents is high and it’s common for all of their children to have left the country. The impact of emigration and kinlessness has become a significant social problem.
South African Clinical Psychologist Maria Marchetti-Mercer, from the University of Johannesburg, is a specialist in emigration. She explains in a 'Family Process' article that the impact is ‘extensive’ and ‘multi-folded’ in South Africa. What’s more, frequently the departing family has been so busy organising their move they have spent little time preparing their folks for life without them. She goes on to explain the consequences: “Emigration is mostly experienced as a vast loss, almost akin to a death, bringing about significant changes in social networks.” Furthermore, to leave South Africa is considered to be abandoning the family and nation, both of which are of paramount cultural and moral importance, particularly for Afrikaners".

​If you know ‘left-behind’ South African distance family or South African migrants/expats who have departed their homeland please let them know my books are available to support them.

My books make terrific Christmas presents. A Distance Daughter once told me that when she gave a copy of Being a Distance Grandparent to her Dad there was a tear in his eye. It wasn't a tear of sadness, more one of joy and gratefulness. He knew his daughter understood 'how it was' for him, and they are in this Distance Familying thing together.
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The following editions are available:
Grandparent: Paperback, ebook and audio narrated by me
Son/Daughter: Paperback and ebook
Visit your favourite platform or I have listed them all on my website's SHOP page.

If you'd like to send a personalised/autographed, gift wrapped copy to a relative in New Zealand please touch base with me and I will make it happen. I can work with PayPal and NZ Bank deposit - NZD38. Free postage.

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ON THE HOME FRONT

October found us putting on our Distance Grandparent hosting hats. Our 20 year old U.K. grandson arrived on our shores for a GAP year. He’s never been to New Zealand before so we of course had to take him on what's known locally as a ‘tiki tour’. He’s met many relatives for the first time and seen a fair bit of the North Island countryside. It’s very special to have him here and to help him get settled in NZ, find a job etc.

​We've played mini-golf on every visit to our U.K. family including rounds in France and Netherlands. Everyone wants to beat golfer-grandad and there's always a second round to try again. It's become a family tradition. So we had to have another go in Tauranga and guess who won... again?

​​​In the meantime Google Drive has been busy hosting a shared spreadsheet to plan the Christmas visit of my U.S. son, daughter-in-law, daughter and grandsons – all the family we vacationed with last May/June. We’re all planners (thank goodness) and all feed into it. Time is so limited. We don’t, for example, want to waste time figuring out who needs a car each day when we could easily work that out ahead of time. There are plenty of decisions that can be made earlier than later leaving more time for relaxed family fun.

Take care until next time

Helen Ellis

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