DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

In my LinkedIn bio I call myself a cheerleader for families separated by geography. I am also a cheerleader for authors who write about Global Mobility. If you follow me on social media you’ll notice I post book reviews on Instagram. Just follow #globalmobilitybooks.    When it comes to buying books I am a ‘hard copy gal’. I am the proud owner of a sizeable global mobility book collection (sorry no photo - they’re all packed in boxes), however, I do have a handful on hand as these authors are participating next week in a popular Global Mobility Author Panel webinar that I am co-hosting for #FIGTANZA.  I know each of the authors. They’ve all done the hard yards to achieve where they have got to and each offer a unique contribution to the world’s knowledge around global mobility.  Anyone is welcome to sit in on this session and if you can’t attend on the day be sure to register in advance and we’ll send you a link to the recording afterwards. All the details are here.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

If you are an expat living in say Singapore or Dubai one tends to mix a lot with other expats. This creates a supportive community to smooth the transition. However, if you move to a country like New Zealand or Australia you are immediately immersed in the ordinary, suburban, day-to-day. We don’t have expat enclaves in the same way that the likes of Singapore and Dubai have. Expats and migrants, by in large are on their own. The elite sometimes benefit by the services of a relocation agent paid for by their employer. But the majority land at the airport and have to find their own way. ​It’s tough on parents and tough on children. There’s plenty of research and understanding of ‘how it is’ for ‘on the move’ families constantly living in expat communities. There’s not so much about long term expat and migrants. How do they fare? Do parents and

​As you’ve probably gathered I am a big supporter of #globalmobilitybooks and #globalmobilityauthors. Here is a Save a Date note for an Author Panel webinar I will facilitate in September. Full details will be included in the September newsletter.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​My second book, Being a Distance Son or Daughter - a Book for ALL Generations celebrated its second birthday in July. I'm so glad that Helen wrote this book. Being away from parents is a challenge that accompanies so many in their expat experience (myself included!). Helen walks us through this journey with empathy, insights and reflections from researchers and her own valuable experience. I'll recommend it to my clients and I will consult it very often." Gabriela Encina, Psychologist/Online Counseling for Women Abroad

ON THE HOME FRONT

I would like to say that July was an easy going, no drama month but sadly it was anything but. Sometimes life quietly ticks by, but there are other times when a lot is happening – that was July. We have had our house on the market for months. We’re committed to, and excited about a new-build  apartment purchase that will be ready in October. Our present home is lovely property, everyone likes it. However, the New Zealand real estate market took an unexpected dive to a place it hasn’t been to in decades. What should have been easy, turned out to be very hard. As time passed a deadline was looming that came with some non-negotiable factors. I had a date with a surgeon for a new hip – an event that isn’t conducive to opening your home to all 'n' sundry. After much pushing and shoving the ‘sold’ sticker was finally affixed to our

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

The circumstances of 'away' distance family generations can be vary hugely. At one end are families moving countries every few years backed up by wrap-around corporate support, to permanently based families where there's very little support. They share that extended family live at a distance but their on the ground experiences can be quite different. There is no shortage of global mobility research, publicity, support and understanding of the ‘on the move’ families. An industry exists, full to the brim with relocation experts, well-functioning global HR departments, international schools, global education advisors, cultural advisors, life coaches and more. The path of these families isn’t easy, but they're  not alone. ​The lot of permanent migrants is completely different.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

ON THE HOME FRONT

​Finding your Distance Family currency is helpful. What interests do you have in common with your parents and/or parents-in-law and extended family? Is it fishing, art, football, running, board games, kite flying, camping or something else? These will always be the easiest to nurture. Stick with what you’re good at and accept that some things aren’t your cup of tea. Comparing your currency to that of other families is a gigantic waste of time.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​CONTINUOUS LEARNING One of the joys of being part of the global mobility world is the opportunity for continuous learning. This month I attended the virtual Families in Global Transition's (#FIGT) forum. Years ago FIGT hosted in-person conferences somewhere in the world. I was booked to travel to Bangkok early 2020 for my first conference but we all know what happened then. This was FIGT's third virtual conference and it looks like online will be the way of the future - pandemic or no pandemic.  These events require a logistics degree to figure out when to schedule speakers as so many time zones are involved. For me it was a Saturday night. Others were having breakfast and the hardy ones get up in the middle of the night. I always leave refreshed and invigorated and enjoy being part of this global community.

​CHICAGO IN-PERSON EVENTS Just a reminder about my meet-the-author, co-hosted Chicago Distance Families events in May and June. The lovely Chicago based Linda Mueller is an Expat Coach and Founder of International Women in Chicago. Linda does an amazing job gathering expats, arranging events and creating a community of like-minded women experiencing similar transitions. In 2022 Linda kindly hosted an author event and I met with some of her community. We're doing it again - this time a 10am session on Wednesday 8 May and a 6.30pm session on Tuesday 4 June. Venues will be confirmed by Linda but they are likely to be in the Lincoln Park neighborhood. If you know any expats or migrants in Chicago please send them this link. I would love to meet them. Please visit the IWIC Facebook page for full details.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

Have you followed these newsletters but never actually read one of the Distance Families Book Series? I invite you to do so. They really are a great resource whether you’re the left behind kin, or the away generation. The other week I did a video interview for an upcoming, super useful resource. Think... Yellow Pages for global mobility - who and where to go to for advice, information and expertise. I will let you know when it’s live. ​ I was asked to explain what my books are about and why they would be useful. My response was that all expats and migrants have intergenerational family somewhere that are affected in a small or large way by their move. Understanding, empathizing and accepting ‘how it is’ for the other generations of your Distance Family are crucial to thriving relationships.

ON THE HOME FRONT

It’s hard to believe it is three and a months since we returned from our mega Northern Hemisphere travels. So much has happened - getting our house on the market, enjoying our UK granddaughter’s visit and right now, we’re about to get on a plane again to properly visit our U.S. family. Our new Chicago grandson has grown from the three week old we cradled in January while watching snow storms outside. We've had our first Facetime call and we could tell he was entranced. ​ We’ll also visit Atlanta and be there when our grandsons (7 and 9 yrs) break up from school for the summer. We haven’t been there since 2018. ​​There’s so much of our daughter and grandsons' Atlanta to catch up with and we’re really excited about that. Our grandsons have learned about Australian cricket from watching Bluey. The cry from Atlanta is, "Can Grandad teach us cricket?" The plastic set is bought and the book is packed.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

During March I had the pleasure of being interviewed by author and global mobility expert, Doreen Cumberford from Nomadic Diaries. This podcast series is of particular interest to soon-to-be-retired, or retired expats. My episode will go ‘live’ in a few weeks and I will highlight it in the next newsletter.

​I have read a couple of books lately that I particularly enjoyed mainly because they were both SO different. ​ I bought Airplane Mode by Shahnaz Habib at Chicago Airport when my flight was weather delayed. It seemed an appropriate read on the occasion. It's unique. ​The crux of the narrative is “The color of one’s skin and passport have long dictated the conditions of travel”. It is that, and much more. You’ll never look at immigration queues in quite the same way. A reviewer described this as a book of short stories. I loved that aspect. It was so easy to pick up and put down, without getting lost. The stories are insightful, eclectic and backed up by personal experience and savvy research. The bibliography makes for fascinating reading. I recommend this book to anyone who loves travel.

​Finally, just a reminder about the FIGT online Forum. Early bird registration closes 6 April. The virtual conference will take place over two 4-hour live sessions on 20 and 21 April 2024 during different time zones. This will be accompanied by a platform, on Kumospace, where participants can meet, mingle and chat in an informal manner. I really enjoyed this facility last time.   Conference registration gives you access to all content for six months, even if you are unable to attend on the weekend.

Do Parents Matter? by R LeVine & S LeVine has been on my radar for a while. Intergenerational, intercultural families are common in distance families. Even when all parties speak English different parenting styles can be present. So I couldn’t resist the subtitle, Why Japanese Babies Sleep Soundly, Mexican Siblings Don’t Fight, and American Families Should Just Relax. This book gave me a deeper understanding of why cultures and nationalities parent in different ways. What are the pros, and what are the cons? The book asks if the American approach, though I would say Western approach, is the best? The authors state that Western countries tend to see child-rearing as massively burdensome. Wouldn’t it be great if that wasn’t the case? Insightful, fascinating reading. ​

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​During the COVID years I wrote the first two books of the Distance Families Book Series. Some would say that’s a pretty mad timeline. It didn’t seem so at the time. When you can’t go anywhere one can be quite productive. Since then, the third and last book, Being a Distance Grandchild has been a work in progress on my desk. Much research has been done, many fascinating interviews have occurred and 60,000+ words are in a Word Document. But as any author will tell you – that’s just the beginning. I had great intentions of publishing in 2024 but I am giving myself some grace and accepting it’s not going to happen this year… and that’s fine. When you throw into the mix a lot of travel, unexpectedly selling our house, moving into a new apartment and a couple of upcoming, never anticipated hip replacement operations some how, the original timeline was a tad ambitious. However, every time I open the file and reread the draft, I get excited about this untold story.

ON THE HOME FRONT

March was a ‘red letter’ month as our 24 year old U.K. granddaughter took a three week break from her job and visited New Zealand... for the first time. Regular readers will remember our grandson, her brother, come last year. We have made many visits to the U.K. and it has been wonderful to share our New Zealand and help her connect with her kiwi-ness. We’ve visited touristy sites and introduced her to a bunch of relatives she has never met before. She’s been a trooper and navigated it all so well. What’s extra special about having adult grandkids visit is that we do adult things together (no more theme parks) and later savour a nice bottle of red at the end of the day.

May sees us back to the U.S. for a few weeks visiting our Atlanta daughter and two grandsons, and Chicago son, daughter-in-law and grandson.  I have to confess our new addition in Chicago is the most gorgeous baby with the loveliest smile - but then I am probably a little bias. He's grown so much from the three week old we cradled last January. Our daughter has moved from a condo to a house with a yard. We're looking forward to seeing all she has achieved and catching up with our grandsons who we haven't seen since Christmas 2022. In between all that our house is still on the market. Lots of moving parts! Take care until next time Helen Ellis ​P.S. Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page. Thanks for your support. HE

​DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

I am the co-Chair of the Australia/New Zealand Affiliate of Families in Global Transition (FIGT). Every so often I mention a Downunder webinar I am co-hosting. This time I want to let you know about our global, online Forum gathering. It will be held the weekend of 20/21 April and broadcast during two different times to allow for multiple time zones. If you have an interest in global ​mobility be sure to check it out. The quality of presenters is the tops.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

The audiobook edition of Being a Distance Grandparent, narrated by me is now available via Spotify. The Foreword is read by my broadcaster son, Robbie Ellis.  Click below to listen to the ​Introduction. ​I am listening to your book: I wish my parents would have had the opportunity to read it/listen to it years ago. Ute Limacher-Riebold PhD, Distance Daughter Ute' s International Lounge

Half an hour north of Auckland, New Zealand is the coastal town of Orewa. It's home to stunning beaches, every watersport you can imagine and all manner of outdoor activities. The town is mainly flat and a magnet for retirees. As 20% of those born in New Zealand now live overseas it's to be expected that 20% of the grandparents residing around Orewa are Distance Grandparents.  Orewa is also home to a fantastic community facility - the Estuary Arts Centre. It hosts art classes, art exhibitions - a brilliant local hob. It even has a cafe and a classy boutique where quality New Zealand souvenirs and art are available. As Distance Grandparents are regular shoppers of what we call Kiwiana (local souvenirs) to give to their distance family, the Distance Family Book Series was an obvious stock item.  ​​When an email arrived last week from the Weka Gift

ON THE HOME FRONT

Immediately upon returning home from our mega Northern Hemisphere adventure I was into action mode to put our house on the market. Hubby and I have reached that stage that we'd like no stairs and less maintenance. We've bought an apartment in a nearby development - due to be completed later in the year. As I shared in a recent LinkedIn article we have acquired a storage unit, de-personalized and de-cluttered. A bevvy of tradespeople has come and gone. Every scuff has been fixed, nooks and crannies cleaned and garden lovingly tended to. We've just had our first Open Homes so watch this space. ​Know anyone looking for a family home in Auckland here's a link to the listing?

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Have you ever considered how much you THINK about your distance family? How much and how often we think about each other is a consideration in the dynamics of any distance family. Have a read about The Distance Family Thinking Pie. ​ ​​Another dynamic worthy of reflection is when the geographical movement of family is in reverse of the traditional trends. Here are my snowy thoughts on the topic of grandparents who initiate the move.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​Her maternal [Hungarian] grandmother was free-spirited and not the least concerned about what people thought. She rescued plants and animals. Her chaotic, cluttered home and garden felt like a circus to young Anna but she had a “magic touch” with anything that grew or moved. Fitting in and doing ‘normal’ things wasn’t for her. Others would sometimes disapprove. Cooking wasn’t important to her but she was famous for a couple of sweet dishes. “I still remember the taste of her filled doughnuts and apple pie. No one knew how she made them like her. It was her magic again. Even my other traditional grandmother couldn’t understand how her doughnut secret”. She had never travelled and spoke only Hungarian. Life was tough for her but she never complained.
Her broken-record mantra to her young granddaughter Anna was, “learn other languages and go abroad”. Initially, this message never stuck with Anna and she even forgot about it for a time. In time Hungarian children had to learn Russian. No other languages were allowed in schools. When this regime changed and Anna began to learn English the Hungarian school system was behind as there were so few English teachers. Those who taught were scrambling to cope, constantly one lesson ahead of their students.
At the age of 21 years, Anna decided it was time to travel and learn other languages. She took herself off to the U.K. settling in Surrey, working as an au pair and studying English. She understood little of the local language but persevered. As soon as Anna moved abroad she remembered her grandmother’s mantra and realised a seed had been planted at the back of her mind. She sensed that English was the most important language to tackle.

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Living as an expat in New Zealand or Australia comes with similar and diverse experiences. Both countries offer stereotypical images of beaches, exotic scenery and a sense of paradise -  and these exist for sure. However, navigating the day to day inevitably delivers a few surprises along the way.   After many years in the relocation/global mobility business Robyn and Bridget are well-qualified to offer ways to adjust and thrive as an expat in Australia or New Zealand.   This event is free and open to new and older expats & migrants along with all those interested in global mobility. It is also perfect for anyone considering moving to NZ or Australia.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​For the past few months I have been buried in the next book project, Being a Distance Grandchildren. I’ve done a good number of Zoom interviews with young adult and adult Distance Grandchildren from all around the world. Before I started this project I had absolutely no idea how it would eventuate, how interviewees would respond and importantly did they (and I!) actually have something significant to say that deserved a book to be written. I can report the research process has been such a privilege. Gems of reflections, legacies and stories have been shared that have touched my heart but also blown me away. I am very excited about this book. Here’s a sample:

ON THE HOME FRONT

​Distance Families find comfort in the familiar background settings of video calls especially if they've previously visited. You’ve sat on that sofa, you’ve eaten at the table, and dined outside on the deck. During the last couple of months, and quite coincidentally, our three distance adult children and families have all moved house (see photos). There are new backgrounds, new furniture and new decor. When I next visit there’s also new neighbourhoods to explore and become familiar with. ​Accepting change and embracing the unfamiliar are superpowers of doing Distance Families – and it works in both directions.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

It was a pleasure to be back on the podcast airwaves again with Emily and Mike Morgan from ‘The Grand Life’. Here’s more about their work. “Grandparenting with our whole hearts takes time and intention. ‘The Grand Life’ podcast entertains, educates, and enlightens grandparents who want to become the best they can be. Author Emily Morgan and her husband Mike host an exploration of grandparenting, the relationships within the role, and the ways in which our grandparenting impacts our children... and their children”. ​​I love the way they support grandparents

BOOK SERIES NEWS

I requested your book from my public library but they did not have it in their collection. Much to my surprise, however, they bought it on Amazon and it was sent directly to me. All I have to do is return it now that I’ve finished reading it and the library will add it to its collection.

ON THE HOME FRONT