 Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
Distance Grandparents and their overseas children and grandchildren, I notice how often these kupu — words — are sprinkled throughout their messages. They are words that speak beautifully to the relationships at the heart of Distance Families.
Perhaps that is one of the beautiful things about language: words don't simply describe our relationships — they can remind us how we want to live those relationships. For Distance Families, where relationships stretch across countries and generations, these are powerful ideas to carry with us. To explore more Māori language and resources, visit Reo Māori. BOOK SERIES NEWS A hard copy gal In book-reading circles, I refer to myself as “a hard copy gal.” I have a Kindle and use it plenty, but I still love and prefer a physical book. For me, the reading experience is more enriching. I can easily revisit the blurb on the back cover, read about the author again, or simply stroke the cover and ponder the decisions around its artwork and design. And then there’s the pleasure of seeing a much-loved book sitting on the shelf alongside other treasured titles. My books are available on various platforms. All are available as paperbacks and ebooks, and the grandparent book also has an audiobook version, narrated by me. But what sells the most? The paperback editions. I have to admit, that reassures me. It suggests that many of my readers might be hard-copy people too — people who enjoy the opportunity to touch and feel a book, turn its pages, and perhaps treasure its spine as it sits alongside other much-loved books on their bookshelf. There’s something rather lovely about that. ON THE HOME FRONTA weekend away — and a trip back in time We’ve had a couple of brief holidays recently, visiting friends and family, and they’ve prompted two thoughts. First, it never fails to amaze me how a weekend away can feel like several days. What is it about a break from routine, a different bed, different surroundings and a change of pace that seems to stretch time? I’ve recently started following Katie Blake, PhD on Substack, where she writes about the psychology of travel. She recently commented: “Ever notice how vacations feel long yet short? New experiences stretch our perception of time, making travel feel richer.” Research into our perception of time broadly supports this idea. Calendar time and experienced time aren't necessarily the same thing. Researchers have found that our perception of time during holidays can be influenced by unfamiliar experiences, changes in routine, emotional engagement and the particular circumstances of a trip. So perhaps a few days away really can contain more experienced time than a few ordinary days at home. My second thought transported me much further back in time. We visited Christchurch, where I lived during my Intermediate (middle school) and high school years. We went to an orchestral concert at the stunning Douglas Lilburn Auditorium in the Christchurch Town Hall. I hadn’t been to the venue since 1973. I was a pupil at Villa Maria College when the Christchurch Town Hall opened in 1972, Six months later I found myself on its brand-new stage, singing Mahler’s enormous Symphony No. 8 in the school's choir, Schola Cantorum along side two adult choirs and the NZBC Symphony Orchestra. It was a thrilling experience. While researching the concert, I discovered some wonderful archival photographs from the rehearsals here. But those photographs are out done by some glossy, colour photographs that appeared in a 1975 coffee-table book called The New Zealander, by Smith, Jacobs and Billing — a copy of which I have owned since that time. And there I am... three from the left, second row from the bottom, with my two white ribbons.
A short holiday can stretch time in unexpected ways. Sometimes a few days feel like several weeks. And sometimes walking back into a familiar place can make half a century feel like yesterday. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** *** Enjoy following more from Distance Families just click here for all the options ***
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Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
But there is another question I think we could ask more often: How is it? How is it for an employee to be living away from their parents? How is it for a partner to be separated from their own family? How is it for a child who used to see their grandparents every week? And how is it for grandparents who suddenly have grandchildren living on the other side of the world? International mobility doesn’t simply relocate an employee. It changes the geography of a family, sometimes leaving important relationships thousands of kilometres away. And this is not necessarily something that settles once the relocation is complete. Family circumstances change. Children grow. Parents age. Grandparents may become more dependent. What felt manageable two years ago may feel quite different today. This is one of the reasons I believe the question “How is it?” is worth returning to throughout an international assignment. For those of us working in global mobility, it is a useful reminder that behind every relocation is a family – often spread across generations, countries and cultures. Perhaps alongside asking how the employee is settling in, we might occasionally ask: How is it for the whole family? BOOK SERIES NEWS What’s Next? Now that my book series is finished, I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked, “What’s next?” There are many more book ideas in me, but writing another book is not necessarily the direction I want to take, however interesting the adventure might be. If writing a book were simply a matter of putting 60,000+ words on paper, it wouldn’t be too hard. It’s all the other stuff: the months and months of editing, revising and fine-tuning. It is a solitary and, frankly, somewhat unhealthy stationary activity! And then there is the financial investment. Self-publishing a quality book costs in the region of $10,000 (USD5000+) each time. My husband and I have made a conscious decision to regard my work with Distance Families as a form of philanthropy, but that doesn’t make the investment insignificant. So, if you have bought one of my books, thank you! Right now, I am enjoying consolidating what I have created: talking about and promoting the book series rather than three individual books, sorting articles, tidying files and, importantly, having the time to enjoy opportunities to collaborate, contribute and volunteer within the global mobility sector. I often talk about the “seasons of life”. I’ve had many of them. Recent decades have included a “business owner season”, an “events volunteer season”, a “mature student at university season” and, most recently, my “researching and writing three books season". I’m not sure I have a title for this latest season yet. Perhaps that’s the point. For now, I’m enjoying the freedom to mix things up, follow interesting opportunities and see what eventuates. ON THE HOME FRONTAuckland Gets an Underground Years ago, when I was at university, a new lecturer arrived from Singapore. No doubt Auckland and New Zealand were exciting new surroundings for her, but we all laughed when she shared with us about Googling Auckland’s subway system and was presented with pages of sandwiches. Singapore is one of the most sophisticated cities in the world. I have visited many times, and navigating its public transport is a breeze. Auckland is not in that league. Our geography doesn’t make life easy. We have the Pacific Ocean and Waitematā Harbour on the east, and the Tasman Sea and Manukau Harbour on the west. Driving from the top to the bottom of Auckland can take an hour and involves two harbour crossings. A conventional ring road isn’t really an option. And, if I’m honest, we haven’t always been great at thinking big when it comes to public transport. This month, a brand-new underground section of Auckland’s rail network will open, including three new city-centre/fringe stations. To those of you living in cities such as New York, London or Paris, this may not sound like a big deal. But for Auckland – and for New Zealand – it is HUGE.
We don’t have a permanent population of tunnel-building experts here, so specialist skills and machinery had to be brought in from overseas. They have now been and gone, leaving us with three new stations beneath the city. Last weekend I went to the open day at one of them. It was sophisticated and classy and for a little while, it didn’t feel as though I was in New Zealand at all. Then the local council’s entertainment programme began. Local musicians performed, and the choir I sing with was there. Suddenly there were familiar faces, familiar voices and familiar songs echoing through this very unfamiliar space. Perhaps that is the best part of any new infrastructure. We can borrow the technology and expertise of the world, but then we make it our own. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** *** Enjoy following more from Distance Families just click here for all the options *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSAs readers will have gathered, I'm a great cheerleader for authors who write about global mobility. After all, I'm one of them! Writing a book is a brave enough undertaking, but navigating the publishing world afterwards can feel like a minefield. That's why I enjoy shining a spotlight on fellow authors and the valuable books they bring into the world whenever I can. One way I've been able to do this is through my role as Co-Chair of the Australia/New Zealand Affiliate of FIGT (Families in Global Transition).  Each year my colleague, Sara, and I host our annual FIGT Author Panel, bringing together writers from around the world to talk about their latest books and the stories behind them. This year's panel features authors from Denmark, Italy, Kenya, Germany, Australia and Singapore. Finding a time slot that works across all those time zones is almost as challenging as writing a book! If you're interested in global mobility, cross-cultural life, or internationally mobile families, we'd love you to join us. Everyone is welcome. Check out the 2026 line-up here. BOOK SERIES NEWS
Writing a book may seem like a solitary pursuit, but no author does it alone. Behind every book is a team of professionals who help bring it to life—editors, proofreaders, cover designers and interior book designers. An interior designer asks an astonishing number of questions. What font would you like? What size? Should longer words be hyphenated at the end of a line? What trim size will the book be? The list goes on! I was fortunate to find someone who could design both my book covers and the interiors of all three books. Even better, Cath Brew is also a talented cartoonist. She has published her own global mobility cartoon book, so she immediately understood the world I was writing about. I was delighted to put Cath's artistic skills to work by asking her to create a series of sketches that appear throughout all three of my books.
ON THE HOME FRONTIt is hard to believe that we're coming up to two years of apartment living. For most of our married life we lived in standalone homes with gardens and lawns to mow. Choosing to move to an apartment was a big decision and, if I'm honest, one that came with more than a little apprehension. Looking back, I'm glad we made the leap. Apartment living has taught me something that applies to many parts of life: focus on the good and don't let every inconvenience become a problem. There are plenty of little adjustments. Grocery shopping comes upstairs in a trolley. Rubbish and recycling have to make a trip down to the Refuse Room. When visitors arrive there's the inevitable "Press our apartment number on the keypad" conversation, and visitor parking can sometimes require a little creativity. None of these things are major problems—they're simply part of learning a different way of living. Then there's the view. Each morning we wake to the upper reaches of Auckland's Waitematā Harbour, with birdsong at treetop level outside our windows. It's a reminder that every lifestyle has its trade-offs, and sometimes the rewards far outweigh the inconveniences.
I was interested to read this recent Washington Post article about why lifts in the United States are generally much larger than those found in Europe and many other parts of the world. Our apartment building has one of the smaller-style lifts, so the article struck a chord. Perhaps that's also true of being a distance grandparent. There are undeniable downsides to living many hours from the people we love. But if we can learn to see the opportunities alongside the challenges, we discover unexpected gifts—the privilege of becoming familiar with places we might never otherwise have visited, the joy of experiencing different cultures, and, above all, the satisfaction of watching our children and grandchildren build happy lives wherever they happen to call home. Sometimes the challenge doesn't disappear. We simply learn to look at it from a different angle. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** *** Enjoy following more from Distance Families just click here for all the options *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSThe Value of Distance Friends A vital element of successful Distance Familying is Distance Friends. There are the friends back home with whom distance never seems to matter—you simply pick up where you left off, no matter how much time has passed since your last visit. Then there are friends who have also ventured overseas, and through a combination of good luck and good planning, you find yourselves catching up somewhere else in the world. Finally, there are the friends of your Distance Family who become their nearby village—the people who celebrate milestones, lend a hand, and provide support when family can’t be there in person. The FIFA World Cup has provided a wonderful reason for international friendships to reconnect. Our Chicago-based son travelled to Vancouver for a New Zealand match and met up with a Kiwi high school friend who now lives in London. While there, he also spent time with a Canadian friend who first came to New Zealand on a school trip at the age of 12. He is now a father of two, and I was delighted to hear him declare that the birthday cake I made for him all those years ago was a highlight! More recently, our U.S.-based daughter celebrated a milestone birthday. We couldn’t be there in person, but we were grateful to join via livestream and offer a parent’s heartfelt thanks to the friends who make up her village. Their care, friendship and support mean more to us than they probably realise. A couple of weeks later, one of those families visited Auckland, and it was a real pleasure to spend an evening together. They are both our daughter’s local friends and our new Distance Friends.
Distance Friends are a true blessing. For many expatriates and migrants, they become a substitute family—offering companionship, practical support and a sense of belonging when loved ones are many miles away. They remind us that while family may be distant, all generations of Distance Families are never meant to navigate life alone. BOOK SERIES NEWSIn Being a Distance Grandparent there’s a chapter called Final Big Picture Questions. One of the questions is “I Am Still Grieving. How Do I Move On?” My response was: Distance Grandparenting is like a challenging jigsaw. The picture on the box looks daunting and you would rather put the puzzle back in the cupboard. Once the edge frame is done the remaining pieces still don’t look like they will ever make a finished picture but with time and perseverance each piece finds its place in the same way a routine and a place of acceptance of Distance Grandparenting begins to emerge for you. But please, PLEASE don’t knock the table in the meantime. I go on to quote Melissa Parks, an American Clinical and Health Psychologist who supports the globally mobile. There’s a big misconception that being kind to ourselves is the same as feeling sorry for ourselves, which is why I want to clarify the difference between self-compassion and self-pity [...] Self-pity tends to say “poor me,” self-compassion recognizes that life is hard for everyone. It allows us to feel less isolated when we’re going through a hard time […] I also want to clarify that self-compassion doesn’t mean invalidating how we’re feeling. Your pain is still important and deserving of validation and soothing. We don’t just push the hard moments ‘under the rug.’ However, we also don’t want to get overidentified with our emotional experience and caught up in the story. Instead, we acknowledge what we’re feeling with kindness and that tends to help us process and let go […] more quickly.”
ON THE HOME FRONTA new public holiday Public holidays… what do you call them? Holidays? Bank holidays? Statutory holidays? Whatever the name, they all provide an opportunity to pause from our usual routines. In recent years New Zealand has gained an additional public holiday in July--Matariki, the Māori New Year. Celebrated when the Matariki star cluster rises in the midwinter sky, it has quickly become a treasured occasion for many New Zealanders. The themes of Matariki are particularly meaningful: remembering those who have passed away, giving thanks for what we have, gathering with family and friends, and looking forward with hope to the year ahead.
Distance may separate us geographically, but traditions, memories and shared moments continue to bring families together.
Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** *** Enjoy following more from Distance Families just click here for all the options *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSUnder the radar There’s an aspect of global mobility life that often flies under the radar in much the same way that intergenerational distance families do: Split Families. So, what are split families? These are expatriate families where one parent works away from “home” for extended periods of time, while the other parent remains the primary hands-on caregiver. Yet “home” is not necessarily where their extended family live. Instead, it is often a country chosen because it is safer or more conducive to family life. In many cases, these families are living a traditional expatriate lifestyle in a foreign country, without the support of nearby relatives. A leading expert on this topic is my friend and global mobility colleague, Rhoda Bangerter. Several years ago, her husband was based in Kabul, Afghanistan; today, his work is in the Middle East. During these assignments, Rhoda lives in Switzerland with their two sons, and her husband returns home periodically. She has not only lived this reality — and continues to do so — but has also researched the subject extensively and written a book about it. A couple of Christmases ago, when we both happened to be holidaying in Wiltshire, U.K., we met for coffee. What a joy that was. So which families find themselves in this situation? Often they are connected to the foreign service, military, humanitarian organisations, or multinational corporations. As Rhoda says:
Split-family assignments can place enormous pressure on couples, marriages, and children. Yet with strong communication, shared commitment, and a united approach, these families can not only function, but thrive. BOOK SERIES NEWS
• Norway — wealthy and digitally advanced, yet without a full Amazon marketplace. Many consumers rely on Amazon Germany or the U.K. • Denmark — similarly dependent on neighboring Amazon sites and cross-border shipping. • Finland — Amazon access is more limited than in nearby Sweden or Germany. • Ireland — despite strong Amazon usage, post-Brexit shipping and customs have complicated ordering from the U.K. • Iceland — geographic isolation and a small population create very high shipping costs. • Malta and Cyprus — island nations with expensive freight and slower delivery times. • Chile — relatively affluent by Latin American standards, but still without a local Amazon marketplace. • Argentina — import regulations, taxes, and logistics often make Amazon purchases difficult and expensive. • Czech Republic and Hungary — many shoppers rely on Amazon Germany due to the lack of a mature local platform. As an author, these realities meant I needed to print books separately in New Zealand for the local market. So where can New Zealand readers order paperback copies of the Distance Families Book Series? The easiest option is through my distributor, Nationwide Books, which holds stock for fast delivery. Another wonderful resource is BookHub, a website that shows available stock at independent bookstores around New Zealand. Independent booksellers would greatly appreciate your support — and you may discover a lovely local bookstore in the process or support one in a struggling town. I envy the convenience many countries enjoy when ordering books online. Every time I travel to visit family in the U.K. or the U.S., I carry a rather weighty Amazon book shopping list with me! Random Fact: Beware: there are two authors in the world called Helen Ellis. Yes, confusion does occasionally happen! I am the non-fiction one; she is the fiction one. ON THE HOME FRONT
He has even had a special supporter shirt printed. Inspired by one of my grandson’s favourite New Zealand counting books, Pukeko Counts to 10, the shirt reads: “Pukeko Count 10”. I do wonder how many fellow supporters will understand the reference! What makes the World Cup even more special for me is that New Zealand's All White's coach happens to live in our apartment building — and parks his car next to mine. He is a wonderful neighbour and genuinely one of life’s nice people. I don’t know a great deal about football, but our conversations are always interesting, and it feels rather surreal seeing him on television so often these days. He has a toddler grandson who I see come and go, and certainly laughed when I showed him my son’s shirt photo. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSA Library of Free Resources I’ve been doing a bit of housekeeping on my website lately, and it reminded me just how many free resources DistanceFamilies has to offer—across every generation. You’ll find a wide range of content, including articles (both mine and from other writers and researchers), interviews, webinars, podcasts, helpful reading, and more. There really is something for everyone. I invite you to visit the site today—you’re bound to discover something that resonates with you. P.S. If you come across a link that doesn’t work, I’d really appreciate you letting me know so I can fix it. Thanks so much!
Over the years, I’ve shared a range of book reviews on my Instagram page, all centred around global mobility, in one way or another. I’m now getting back into the rhythm of posting regularly again. If you enjoy thoughtful book reviews, I’d love for you to follow along on Instagram (@ HelenEllis.Author) and explore the hashtag #globalmobilitybooks. BOOK SERIES NEWSIt was a pleasure to be part of the @AgesofPages book fair in Hamilton, New Zealand. It was wonderful meeting so many parents, grandparents, migrants, and expats—each with their own unique story to share. The event was incredibly well run, and it was inspiring to see how far some stallholders and attendees had travelled to be there. A big thank you to the amazing volunteer team. And thank you as well to @NZSocietyofAuthors, @IndieBooksNZ, @LittleFreeLibrariesNZ, @Mrs_Moa_Book_hub and the librarians who attended and continue to do such an outstanding job supporting local authors.
ON THE HOME FRONTThis month we’ve managed to take in a few theatre shows, talks, and films—two of which featured former female New Zealand Prime Ministers. Jacinda Ardern continues to enjoy a strong global following, and Netflix has recently released her documentary Prime Minister. I missed it when it was in cinemas, so was pleased to catch up online. As you may know, her husband Clark Gayford is a television presenter and producer, and it was his idea to begin filming Jacinda from the early days of her time in office. As a result, the documentary includes plenty of informal, behind-the-scenes footage—from life at home with a newborn to the rhythms of everyday family life. There’s nothing overly polished about the film, which is part of its appeal. Their home life feels refreshingly real, with Clark taking on the role of primary caregiver to their daughter, Neve. He is best known for his fishing programme, as well as a wonderfully quirky reality series that follows houses being relocated—always in the middle of the night—from one site to another. It makes for surprisingly compelling viewing, especially when Clark is caught nodding off in the truck cab in the early hours.
Continuing the Prime Minister theme, last week I attended a stage production about Helen Clark, Jacinda’s predecessor, titled Helen Clark in Six Outfits. It was an exceptionally clever piece of theatre. Helen herself attended opening night and commented that it struck a fair balance in portraying both her life and leadership. Separately, we also went along to a theatre singalong—think karaoke on steroids—which was great fun. And another afternoon, we visited the Auckland Art Gallery, which was celebrating the 10th anniversary of its membership programme. Time was short, but we only managed to sit in on a talk about the Venice Biennale which was fascinating. There’s often a slightly sceptical view of the Biennale in New Zealand, as our contributions can be seen as expensive and somewhat “out there.” However, I learned that they are generally very well received in Venice. Having previously sold travel accommodation there, I was particularly interested to hear about the logistics involved—everything must be transported by boat, which adds an entirely different layer of complexity for curators. Next months we’ll be attending the French Film Festival and Auckland Writers Festival – big events on the arts calendar in New Zealand. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
a Distance Grandchild. Anyone interested in global mobility will find FIGT's work of interest. Here’s a link to the presenter biographies. I encourage you to check out the forum programme and join us from anywhere in the world.
Don’t forget Mother’s Day and Father’s Day! A key thing to remember when you live in different countries: these holidays aren’t always celebrated on the same dates. That means you’ll need to plan ahead. Buy a card when it’s available in your country – even if the distance celebration isn’t for a while. When the time comes, send it in plenty of time for the date in your grandparent’s country. For example, Mother’s Day is in March in the U.K. but in New Zealand and Australia it’s in May. It’s easy enough to buy a card in March and save it to post in April for May. The reverse? That’s elite-level planning: buying a card in May, keeping track of it for months, and posting it next February. If you manage that, trust me – Nana or Grandma will be seriously impressed. BOOK SERIES NEWS
March also brought a long-overdue celebration. When my first two books were released during COVID, gatherings weren’t really possible. This time, it felt right to mark the occasion. Supporters, family, interviewees, colleagues, and friends came together at a neighbourhood venue on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. There were a few speeches, some readings, and a glass or two raised. It was a special day—warm, relaxed, and shared with wonderful people.
ON THE HOME FRONT With the last book now complete, the same question from friends and family has naturally followed: “What’s next?” For now, I’m still spending plenty of time in the office, maintaining my author profile and preparing for upcoming talks, presentations, and articles. That said, I do have a little more flexibility than before. One item on my “future to-do list” was to explore the University of the Third Age (U3A). I knew there was an active local branch—popular enough to require a waiting list—and I was curious to see what it offered. U3A is a thriving international organisation that provides learning and social opportunities for those in their “third age”… though I’m not entirely sure I think of myself as a retiree just yet! With everything from lectures to hobby groups, it’s a wonderful way to stay mentally active and meet more people. After a short time on the waiting list, I was offered a membership space. As I looked into it further, I discovered a particularly appealing subgroup called “The World in Books”, conveniently convened by a friend. Each month, the group focuses on a different country, with members choosing a book by an author from that place—fiction or non-fiction, whatever appeals. I’m told there are often fascinating common threads in writing from the same country. Since I enjoy both reading and learning about different cultures, it feels like a perfect fit—though I admit I’m not always great at sitting down with a book in the middle of the day. Perhaps that will change. The country for the May meeting is Finland, and I’ve already chosen a memoir. I’m looking forward to delving into it. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSTo leave or not to leave?… that is the question “Are you safe?” “Are you leaving?” These are the messages filling expat Sonaya William’s inbox as she lives and works in the Middle East. Right now, similar questions are landing for many living in Mexico too. For some intergenerational distance families these events are of grave importance. How is each generation of affected families supposed to think? What’s the right thing to say to your loved ones who are sitting in these troubled lands? These questions come from love. From care. From the natural instinct to pull the people we love out of harm’s way. But is leaving always the right decision in the moment? I highly recommend Sonaya’s article on Risk Tolerance vs. Risk Capacity. Whether you’re the expat or migrant navigating uncertainty on your doorstep — or the family member watching from afar — this piece validates the emotion, while offering a grounded framework for decision-making.
Importantly, your current ‘other’ passport must be submitted (original, not a copy) with your UK passport application, meaning you cannot travel internationally while it is being processed. For families spread across the globe, this requires careful planning. If you hold dual UK citizenship, plan your application timing carefully, ensure all paperwork is accurate, and keep old passports — they may be needed. For official guidance, visit the UK government website BOOK SERIES NEWS
profile of intergenerational families navigating life across the miles. My hope is that these books not only inform, but also inspire deeper empathy, strengthen bonds, and renew appreciation for the enduring power of family — no matter the distance. Media activity The media machines are revving up. I have radio interviews booked and a bunch of articles and reviews will appear in the press. Here's the first activity: New Zealand Booklovers Q & A The Westerly see a couple of pages in on the left. In-person or live events are listed on the website's Events page. ON THE HOME FRONTIKEA excursion On a really hot Sunday afternoon, we decided to escape the heat of our sunny apartment and headed to the brand new and first-in-New Zealand IKEA. Now I know those of you who have live convenient to an IKEA will be wondering what the fuss is about, but when you live far from the rest of the world and Amazon is oceans away, IKEA is a novelty. The Auckland IKEA didn’t disappoint, and the air conditioning was fantastic! When I think of new expats setting up home around the world, I think of IKEA – it’s a one-stop shop for so many, offering good value, serviceable furniture and homeware. I have visited IKEAs in Hong Kong and Bangkok. There I was a tourist, conscious of my luggage allowance. It is quite a different thought process when home is a 30 minute drive way. I am pleased to report we still managed to come home with just a top-up supply of their sturdy, zip-lock plastic bags and some famous Swedish meatballs are in the freezer waiting to be consumed!
Edinburgh came to Auckland Another outing was to the 75th Anniversary international version of the Edinburgh Tattoo. I went to the real thing in Scotland in 1979 (showing my age!). The Auckland one was held at Eden Park, most famous as the venue for many a rugby test featuring our world-famous All Blacks. The local performers from Pasifika and Maori groups were stunning. However, the real thing back in Edinburgh with its castle as the backdrop is hard to beat. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSFebruary is the month of Valentine’s Day — a time when love takes centre stage. For Distance Families, however, love isn’t always expressed with flowers or chocolates. More often, it’s found in remembered dates, thoughtful check-ins, and small acts of care that bridge generations and geography. One helpful way to think about this is through The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The key message is simple but powerful: don’t love people the way you like to be loved — show them love in the way they feel it most.
Acts of Service at a distance might mean being punctual for calls, remembering important dates, setting up a special backdrop for a birthday video call, or making things easier for elderly parents through practical support. Thought, remembering, and follow-through all count. Gifts love-language people treasure cards, photos, and small mementoes. Distance doesn’t have to be a barrier here — simply never forgetting a birthday, anniversary, or special day can mean everything. Quality Time is one of the easiest love languages to offer from afar. Put everything else aside and give your full attention. A focused 15-minute conversation is often far more meaningful than a long, distracted one. Physical Touch is the hardest at a distance — a hug through a screen isn’t possible. But naming the wish matters. Saying, “I wish I could give you a hug,” and adding hugs and kisses to messages helps acknowledge what’s missing. Words of Affirmation travel well across distance. Speak kindly, encourage often, leave voice messages that can be replayed, and choose words carefully — especially with those who carry them close to heart. Understanding the love languages of your Distance Family doesn’t happen overnight, particularly across generations. But as you notice patterns and preferences, loving each other becomes easier, warmer, and more intentional. And that, perhaps, is a very good Valentine’s message for all generations BOOK SERIES NEWS
ON THE HOME FRONTBetween Christmas and New Year, we embarked on an unforgettable expedition cruise to Stewart Island and Fiordland, at the very bottom of New Zealand’s South Island. We were blissfully off-grid for several days and enjoyed what may have been the best weather anywhere in the country — calm seas, no rain, and mild temperatures. Each day brought twice-daily zodiac boat adventures, allowing us to get up close to wildlife, explore pristine landscapes, and learn more about the region’s rich history, unique fauna, and remarkable ecology. One highlight was a helicopter excursion with a landing on Mt Pender — which turned into more of an adventure than expected. We spent far longer on the mountain than planned after the pilot noticed a faulty instrument gauge and returned to base in Te Anau. A second pilot and helicopter came to our rescue, adding an unexpected (and memorable) twist to the day. With experts on board and a wonderful group of fellow travellers, it was a true expedition in every sense — and an experience we won’t forget. When it’s cold in the Northern Hemisphere and warmer in the south, we find ourselves in the arrivals hall at the airport. Right now, we’re hosting my stepson from the U.K. and my daughter from the U.S. — just the two of them on different itineraries with no children. It’s a good reminder that it never pays to have fixed ideas about how visits should unfold. One-on-one time, without little ones (or even big ones), is also precious and memorable. Take care until next time Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the Christmas double newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
I was delighted when a friend sent me an article penned by a South African global mobility academic who I somehow hadn’t come across. Let me introduce Dr Sulette Ferreira. After a Zoom chat we found we have so much in common. I highlight in all my books that the South African Distance Families dynamic is completely different from that of say Australia, U.S.A., U.K., Canada etc. Their emigrants are generally leaving for different reasons than, say, nationals of these other countries. Here's how I described it in Being a Distance Grandchild. “South African clinical psychologist Maria Marchetti-Mercer, from the University of Johannesburg, is a specialist in emigration. In a Family Process article, she explains that the impact is extensive and multi-faceted. She adds that the departing family is often so busy organising their move that they spend little time preparing their loved ones for life without them. Also, because of the emotional fallout, they often keep the emigration decision a secret until the last minute, and the extended families then have little time to process it. She explains the consequences: “Emigration is mostly experienced as a vast loss, almost akin to a death, bringing about significant changes in social networks.”  If you are South African or have South African friends who are members of a Distance Family, Dr Sulette can offer two unique things:
Just a reminder, paperback editions of my books are available in South Africa via Loot and takealot. BOOK SERIES NEWS
comes out next year, I’ll create an event especially for expats and migrants. Separately, a local writers’ group has formed. Around a dozen of us squeezed around some bunched-up tables in a café and introduced ourselves. There was everyone from a highly successful middle-grade fantasy author (Disney is her publisher!) to people who simply love to write but haven’t yet told the world. At the table was someone I’d never met who had written a novel based on her expat life in Hong Kong — what a coincidence. Naturally, we swapped books and plan to keep in touch. A week later she messaged me: Thank you so much for your two books. I have started on the grandparent one first and, oh my goodness, it brings back so many memories and raises a lot to think about. I especially appreciate the stories and your recorded experiences — including the strangeness of visiting a new baby in a whole new cultural context (complete with the amah) and how your story links into what is common for so many in NZ. The ‘pull’ to go overseas for better financial and career opportunities was so strong that our thirty-something selves didn’t really grasp what it did to the wider family emotionally. Your book is making me reflect — thank you so much I loved her response. My goal remains to help each generation of Distance Families understand “how it is” for the other generations because that generates empathy — and that’s exactly what the book achieved for her.
Just a reminder: there’s a free book giveaway — I’ll post an autographed paperback edition to the winner anywhere in the world. I’ve extended the promotion to align with when my New Zealand printer can print copies for this market. Click here to register. ON THE HOME FRONT
Just a heads up... this granddaughter wrote her Distance Grandchild story for my upcoming book. It's a goodie.
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