 Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
a Distance Grandchild. Anyone interested in global mobility will find FIGT's work of interest. Here’s a link to the presenter biographies. I encourage you to check out the forum programme and join us from anywhere in the world.
Don’t forget Mother’s Day and Father’s Day! A key thing to remember when you live in different countries: these holidays aren’t always celebrated on the same dates. That means you’ll need to plan ahead. Buy a card when it’s available in your country – even if the distance celebration isn’t for a while. When the time comes, send it in plenty of time for the date in your grandparent’s country. For example, Mother’s Day is in March in the U.K. but in New Zealand and Australia it’s in May. It’s easy enough to buy a card in March and save it to post in April for May. The reverse? That’s elite-level planning: buying a card in May, keeping track of it for months, and posting it next February. If you manage that, trust me – Nana or Grandma will be seriously impressed. BOOK SERIES NEWS
March also brought a long-overdue celebration. When my first two books were released during COVID, gatherings weren’t really possible. This time, it felt right to mark the occasion. Supporters, family, interviewees, colleagues, and friends came together at a neighbourhood venue on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. There were a few speeches, some readings, and a glass or two raised. It was a special day—warm, relaxed, and shared with wonderful people.
ON THE HOME FRONT With the last book now complete, the same question from friends and family has naturally followed: “What’s next?” For now, I’m still spending plenty of time in the office, maintaining my author profile and preparing for upcoming talks, presentations, and articles. That said, I do have a little more flexibility than before. One item on my “future to-do list” was to explore the University of the Third Age (U3A). I knew there was an active local branch—popular enough to require a waiting list—and I was curious to see what it offered. U3A is a thriving international organisation that provides learning and social opportunities for those in their “third age”… though I’m not entirely sure I think of myself as a retiree just yet! With everything from lectures to hobby groups, it’s a wonderful way to stay mentally active and meet more people. After a short time on the waiting list, I was offered a membership space. As I looked into it further, I discovered a particularly appealing subgroup called “The World in Books”, conveniently convened by a friend. Each month, the group focuses on a different country, with members choosing a book by an author from that place—fiction or non-fiction, whatever appeals. I’m told there are often fascinating common threads in writing from the same country. Since I enjoy both reading and learning about different cultures, it feels like a perfect fit—though I admit I’m not always great at sitting down with a book in the middle of the day. Perhaps that will change. The country for the May meeting is Finland, and I’ve already chosen a memoir. I’m looking forward to delving into it. Take care until next time
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Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSTo leave or not to leave?… that is the question “Are you safe?” “Are you leaving?” These are the messages filling expat Sonaya William’s inbox as she lives and works in the Middle East. Right now, similar questions are landing for many living in Mexico too. For some intergenerational distance families these events are of grave importance. How is each generation of affected families supposed to think? What’s the right thing to say to your loved ones who are sitting in these troubled lands? These questions come from love. From care. From the natural instinct to pull the people we love out of harm’s way. But is leaving always the right decision in the moment? I highly recommend Sonaya’s article on Risk Tolerance vs. Risk Capacity. Whether you’re the expat or migrant navigating uncertainty on your doorstep — or the family member watching from afar — this piece validates the emotion, while offering a grounded framework for decision-making.
Importantly, your current ‘other’ passport must be submitted (original, not a copy) with your UK passport application, meaning you cannot travel internationally while it is being processed. For families spread across the globe, this requires careful planning. If you hold dual UK citizenship, plan your application timing carefully, ensure all paperwork is accurate, and keep old passports — they may be needed. For official guidance, visit the UK government website BOOK SERIES NEWS
profile of intergenerational families navigating life across the miles. My hope is that these books not only inform, but also inspire deeper empathy, strengthen bonds, and renew appreciation for the enduring power of family — no matter the distance. Media activity The media machines are revving up. I have radio interviews booked and a bunch of articles and reviews will appear in the press. Here's the first activity: New Zealand Booklovers Q & A The Westerly see a couple of pages in on the left. In-person or live events are listed on the website's Events page. ON THE HOME FRONTIKEA excursion On a really hot Sunday afternoon, we decided to escape the heat of our sunny apartment and headed to the brand new and first-in-New Zealand IKEA. Now I know those of you who have live convenient to an IKEA will be wondering what the fuss is about, but when you live far from the rest of the world and Amazon is oceans away, IKEA is a novelty. The Auckland IKEA didn’t disappoint, and the air conditioning was fantastic! When I think of new expats setting up home around the world, I think of IKEA – it’s a one-stop shop for so many, offering good value, serviceable furniture and homeware. I have visited IKEAs in Hong Kong and Bangkok. There I was a tourist, conscious of my luggage allowance. It is quite a different thought process when home is a 30 minute drive way. I am pleased to report we still managed to come home with just a top-up supply of their sturdy, zip-lock plastic bags and some famous Swedish meatballs are in the freezer waiting to be consumed!
Edinburgh came to Auckland Another outing was to the 75th Anniversary international version of the Edinburgh Tattoo. I went to the real thing in Scotland in 1979 (showing my age!). The Auckland one was held at Eden Park, most famous as the venue for many a rugby test featuring our world-famous All Blacks. The local performers from Pasifika and Maori groups were stunning. However, the real thing back in Edinburgh with its castle as the backdrop is hard to beat. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSFebruary is the month of Valentine’s Day — a time when love takes centre stage. For Distance Families, however, love isn’t always expressed with flowers or chocolates. More often, it’s found in remembered dates, thoughtful check-ins, and small acts of care that bridge generations and geography. One helpful way to think about this is through The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The key message is simple but powerful: don’t love people the way you like to be loved — show them love in the way they feel it most.
Acts of Service at a distance might mean being punctual for calls, remembering important dates, setting up a special backdrop for a birthday video call, or making things easier for elderly parents through practical support. Thought, remembering, and follow-through all count. Gifts love-language people treasure cards, photos, and small mementoes. Distance doesn’t have to be a barrier here — simply never forgetting a birthday, anniversary, or special day can mean everything. Quality Time is one of the easiest love languages to offer from afar. Put everything else aside and give your full attention. A focused 15-minute conversation is often far more meaningful than a long, distracted one. Physical Touch is the hardest at a distance — a hug through a screen isn’t possible. But naming the wish matters. Saying, “I wish I could give you a hug,” and adding hugs and kisses to messages helps acknowledge what’s missing. Words of Affirmation travel well across distance. Speak kindly, encourage often, leave voice messages that can be replayed, and choose words carefully — especially with those who carry them close to heart. Understanding the love languages of your Distance Family doesn’t happen overnight, particularly across generations. But as you notice patterns and preferences, loving each other becomes easier, warmer, and more intentional. And that, perhaps, is a very good Valentine’s message for all generations BOOK SERIES NEWS
ON THE HOME FRONTBetween Christmas and New Year, we embarked on an unforgettable expedition cruise to Stewart Island and Fiordland, at the very bottom of New Zealand’s South Island. We were blissfully off-grid for several days and enjoyed what may have been the best weather anywhere in the country — calm seas, no rain, and mild temperatures. Each day brought twice-daily zodiac boat adventures, allowing us to get up close to wildlife, explore pristine landscapes, and learn more about the region’s rich history, unique fauna, and remarkable ecology. One highlight was a helicopter excursion with a landing on Mt Pender — which turned into more of an adventure than expected. We spent far longer on the mountain than planned after the pilot noticed a faulty instrument gauge and returned to base in Te Anau. A second pilot and helicopter came to our rescue, adding an unexpected (and memorable) twist to the day. With experts on board and a wonderful group of fellow travellers, it was a true expedition in every sense — and an experience we won’t forget. When it’s cold in the Northern Hemisphere and warmer in the south, we find ourselves in the arrivals hall at the airport. Right now, we’re hosting my stepson from the U.K. and my daughter from the U.S. — just the two of them on different itineraries with no children. It’s a good reminder that it never pays to have fixed ideas about how visits should unfold. One-on-one time, without little ones (or even big ones), is also precious and memorable. Take care until next time Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the Christmas double newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
I was delighted when a friend sent me an article penned by a South African global mobility academic who I somehow hadn’t come across. Let me introduce Dr Sulette Ferreira. After a Zoom chat we found we have so much in common. I highlight in all my books that the South African Distance Families dynamic is completely different from that of say Australia, U.S.A., U.K., Canada etc. Their emigrants are generally leaving for different reasons than, say, nationals of these other countries. Here's how I described it in Being a Distance Grandchild. “South African clinical psychologist Maria Marchetti-Mercer, from the University of Johannesburg, is a specialist in emigration. In a Family Process article, she explains that the impact is extensive and multi-faceted. She adds that the departing family is often so busy organising their move that they spend little time preparing their loved ones for life without them. Also, because of the emotional fallout, they often keep the emigration decision a secret until the last minute, and the extended families then have little time to process it. She explains the consequences: “Emigration is mostly experienced as a vast loss, almost akin to a death, bringing about significant changes in social networks.”  If you are South African or have South African friends who are members of a Distance Family, Dr Sulette can offer two unique things:
Just a reminder, paperback editions of my books are available in South Africa via Loot and takealot. BOOK SERIES NEWS
comes out next year, I’ll create an event especially for expats and migrants. Separately, a local writers’ group has formed. Around a dozen of us squeezed around some bunched-up tables in a café and introduced ourselves. There was everyone from a highly successful middle-grade fantasy author (Disney is her publisher!) to people who simply love to write but haven’t yet told the world. At the table was someone I’d never met who had written a novel based on her expat life in Hong Kong — what a coincidence. Naturally, we swapped books and plan to keep in touch. A week later she messaged me: Thank you so much for your two books. I have started on the grandparent one first and, oh my goodness, it brings back so many memories and raises a lot to think about. I especially appreciate the stories and your recorded experiences — including the strangeness of visiting a new baby in a whole new cultural context (complete with the amah) and how your story links into what is common for so many in NZ. The ‘pull’ to go overseas for better financial and career opportunities was so strong that our thirty-something selves didn’t really grasp what it did to the wider family emotionally. Your book is making me reflect — thank you so much I loved her response. My goal remains to help each generation of Distance Families understand “how it is” for the other generations because that generates empathy — and that’s exactly what the book achieved for her.
Just a reminder: there’s a free book giveaway — I’ll post an autographed paperback edition to the winner anywhere in the world. I’ve extended the promotion to align with when my New Zealand printer can print copies for this market. Click here to register. ON THE HOME FRONT
Just a heads up... this granddaughter wrote her Distance Grandchild story for my upcoming book. It's a goodie.
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*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
responsibility, and over time, resentment can build as they care for ageing parents. From a distance parents’ perspective, it’s vital to remain quietly aware of these underlying family dynamics. Distance parents often find themselves as the “piggy in the middle,” but it’s still their responsibility to ensure their in-country children never feel taken for granted. It helps enormously if they know that you know they carry the greater caregiving burden — and that you are deeply grateful for all they do. My advice to distance sons and daughters, from the very first day a decision is made to emigrate or work overseas (whether temporarily or permanently), is this: treat your in-country family like gold. They have a profound influence on what distance grandparenting feels like for your parents — and on what it means to be a distance son or daughter yourself. In Being a Distance Son or Daughter – A Book for All Generations, I write about coping with sick and dying parents from afar — without a doubt, the toughest part of being a distance son or daughter. BOOK SERIES NEWS
Fortunately, some decisions are easy this time around. We’re following the successful, reader-friendly layout of my previous books, so choices like fonts and overall style are already settled. Don’t forget — you can enter the draw to win a free, autographed advance paperback edition of Being a Distance Grandparent, posted anywhere in the world! Click here to register. The draw closes on 30 November. All going well, next month you’ll be able to pre-order your copy ON THE HOME FRONT
Green Card it feels like such an achievement but it’s not long before the security of citizenship is what you crave. There were 120 people from 43 countries at her ceremony. She was the only New Zealander. Our daughter commented: “The clerk who gave a set of remarks, herself naturalized 20 years ago, said "Being a citizen is about being there in a nation’s best and worst days. Sitting in this room today, this is America at its finest. America is not a great nation because of its government, wealth, or military. Its great because of its people. And it’s now your task, too, to be part of the solution. You also don’t have to let go of where you come from. We are stronger because of the cultures and perspectives you bring with you. You get to be part of the story now. And the story is richer and better because you’re in it.” It was a Red Letter Day for our Distance Family and we’re grateful for the members of her local “village” who came and supported her. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
BOOK SERIES NEWSDo you know what an ISBN is? ISBN stands for International Standard Book Number. It’s the 13-digit identifier every self-published author or publisher needs to get right. An ISBN is a unique code assigned to each book and edition, making it easier for publishers, bookstores, libraries, Amazon and readers to catalogue, sell, and track books anywhere in the world. You’ll usually find the ISBN on one of the first inside pages of a book and again above the barcode on the back cover. Importantly, every format—paperback, hardback, audiobook, eBook—requires its own ISBN. You can’t use the same number across different formats.  I’ve just acquired the ISBNs for Being a Distance Grandchild. Here in New Zealand, you apply to the National Library of New Zealand. It’s more than a library. It is the country’s central hub for research, archives and taonga (treasures). A bonus part of the process is that there’s no charge. In many other countries, authors have to pay.
ON THE HOME FRONTHubby and I have been away for a few days. We saw and did a lot. The key event was attending the 2025 World of Wearable Art Show in Wellington, or as we know it, WOW. It’s both a global 'fashion creation' competition and a spectacular show. Entrants from around the world spend months, even years creating a garment for every type of material you can imagine. The garments are judged and then worn by performer/models in a world class show. As WOW virgins we weren’t sure what to expect. Now I know why some friends travel every year to attend. We'll be back. Before WOW, we had a few days in one of New Zealand’s most gorgeous areas – Martinborough. It’s wine country with stunning vineyards within walking distance of the township. On one of the days, we ventured an hour down south to Palliser Bay and the lighthouse at the most southwestern point of the North Island. Saw seals (one waddling across the road) and an escaped ewe with her lamb. Lots of one-way bridges and weather-beaten, damaged roads. But it was the wind. It has got to be the windiest I have ever experienced. When we climbed the 250+ steps to the lighthouse viewing platform, we had to hang on for dear life. Sadly, Clive’s prescription sunglasses flew off his head, and to be honest, we thought they would have ended up in the Cook Strait Sea. As we descended, we warned everyone coming up to remove sunglasses and hearing aids. We jokingly mentioned to one lot, “We’ll be at the pub for lunch” if our sunglasses turn up. Later, as we were walking out of the pub, which was half an hour from the lighthouse and in the middle of nowhere, a group of strangers was walking in… hoping to find us. A German with green hair! had found Clive’s glasses. He knew they were the missing ones, but didn’t know what to do with them. So a kiwi group of travellers, who we’d earlier taken a group photo of, offered to try and find us. If we’d left the pub 2 minutes earlier, we’d have missed them. Our lucky day. During our time in Wellington, we visited many local sights, including its famous cable car, a walk to Oriental Bay, a tour of Zealandia (a protected eco sanctuary) and travelled home to Auckland on a 10-hour scenic train. Altogether a terrific 6 nights away. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS
Distance Grandparenting regularly evolves, flip-flops and transitions as life and whatever the world throws at it causes constant change. Nothing stays the same for long and at times our worlds can feel like an emotional yo-yo – much of it beyond our control So what’s next for my predicament? I’ve posted his birthday card in plenty of time. And, before wrapping the gift, I filmed a little video of his present for him. I hope I won’t need to send it on the day—but I suspect I will. And then there’s Christmas. Let’s hope this is all sorted out by then. BOOK SERIES NEWSPublishing a book is a bit like boarding a non-stop express train—you can’t hop off, and you need a solid plan to reach your destination. With many people and moving parts involved, it’s definitely a journey of coordination. Here’s where Being a Distance Grandchild is on its publishing journey:
It’s exciting to see the milestones being achieved—thanks for coming along for the ride! ON THE HOME FRONTAnother topic I explored in Being a Distance Grandparent was “Are there benefits to Distance Grandparenting?” I wrote: “Since a fair proportion of my discourse has focused on the less encouraging aspects of how Distance Grandparenting is, it seems only honest and appropriate to say, from my own perspective and others, there are plenty of positives, especially if one takes the attitude that one door opens and another closes. I go on to mention that there are no babysitting expectations (every Saturday night is free!), you can keep a constantly tidy house if that’s your preference, drive a car without car seats, and so on. It’s not all bad. One unexpected advantage my husband and I have enjoyed is the freedom to embrace apartment living. We were quite content in our four-bedroom standalone home with a garden and plenty of room for visitors. But as time went on, our bodies didn’t cooperate as well and the garden became more of a chore than a joy. If we’d had grandchildren constantly on our doorstep, we’d never have considered moving—but that’s not our situation. Because of that, we had the freedom to choose differently. Even so, when we signed the contract and put our house on the market, we had our doubts. Now, 12 months into our new apartment, we have no regrets. We love the lifestyle, enjoy the company of our neighbours, feel extra secure and appreciate the “lock up and leave” flexibility. We are blessed with amazing views. The early morning fog can be something else here and the other day the brightest rainbow appeared.
Meanwhile, of course, we still miss our family deeply, and when gorgeous grandchildren videos appear online they tug at our heartstrings. That doesn't change. But we also know we need to make the most of our revised life package—because it’s best for us all. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSTwo significant #globalmobility birthdays were celebrated in July
The second celebration marked the 10th birthday of AidMamas, a thriving Facebook group with over 6,000 members. This community has become an essential resource for those working in the international aid and development sector, especially parents. As they put it:
I’m especially proud of this one--AidMamas was founded by my daughter when she was living in Bangkok and immersed in the aid world. The group has grown organically and now serves as a vital support network for many around the globe. BOOK SERIES NEWS
You can find details of ongoing events website’s dedicated Events page.  ON THE HOME FRONTJuly also brought a couple of firsts. With all the travel and life happenings lately we been unable to commit to any public choir performance for two years. But we found our rhythm again—taking the stage at Voco2025 in the Auckland Town Hall, alongside 11 other choirs. It was a vibrant, multicultural event, with groups dressed in national costumes from Korea, China, and the Pacific Islands—a true celebration of diversity through choral singing. The photo is from a combined finale performance.  Another first: I’ve joined a Tai Chi class. I really have no excuse—it’s just a five-minute walk from home, and four women from my apartment building go, along with a few familiar faces from the neighbourhood. I’ve always been drawn to Tai Chi. With New Zealand’s large Chinese community, it’s common to see people practising in parks, moving with such calm and grace. Now that I’ve started, I’m hooked on this gentle, flowing form of exercise. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWSI love discovering interesting articles—they’re a great way to absorb a little about a lot. Over breakfast, I scroll through various news sites and platforms, emailing myself the best finds. Some spark a desire to dig deeper, others I share through my work (like here), and many get tucked away in my personal archive—a growing collection of expert insights I don’t want to let slip through the cracks of daily life. Here are my recent finds. BOOK SERIES NEWS The subtitle of all editions reads: A Book for ALL Generations. My passion is to help all generations better understand how it is for one another. This has become the driving force behind my writing and my mantra for supporting the broader, interconnected society I call Distance Families: With knowledge comes understanding… With understanding comes empathy… And empathy is a good thing for Distance Families. Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another—is at the heart of what it means to be part of a distance family. But in this context, empathy goes even deeper. You cannot understand what you do not know. When one generation lives in one country (perhaps their “home”) and other generations live entirely different lives in another (which may also be their “home”), it takes intentional learning to bridge the gap. You must seek to understand the obvious, the subtle, and even the unspoken aspects of life in each other’s worlds. That is the purpose of the Distance Families Book Series. Furthermore, the need for empathy extends well beyond families. Educators, counsellors, HR professionals, military personnel, NGOs, diplomatic communities, missionary organisations, government immigration departments, relocation specialists—and all those involved in global mobility—can benefit greatly from a deeper understanding of the vital connections within intergenerational families separated by distance.  ON THE HOME FRONTThe past month has brought a bit of family buzz on my side. With some of my NZ family living outside Auckland, big family gatherings aren’t an everyday thing—but we managed one in June, complete with the obligatory group photo. 
bits of sleep themselves. It’s intense, exhausting, and borderline insane in the best way. In Queensland, the world record was broken by an Australian who completed 119 loops—yes, that’s nearly five days of running non-stop, one loop per hour. And Simon (in front in the photo)? He arrived as a relatively unknown and impressed everyone by reaching an incredible 90 loops. We’re beyond proud of him—and our amazing niece holding the fort back home. He’s now recovering, reportedly with very sore feet, but this won’t be the last we see of him. He’s now ranked among the world’s elite and has qualified for the world championships in Tennessee. Watch this space. Take care until next time
Helen Ellis P.S. 10 July 2025 - Here's a P.S. to Simon's story *** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page *** *** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! *** Welcome to the newsletter from Distance Families DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS“Repatriation is a voluntary or involuntary return to your passport country or home country. When this occurs, an expat or migrant becomes what’s commonly called a ‘repat’. Some repats are so excited to be returning home they can hardly contain themselves. For others, even though they know it is the right decision, or the only decision for a myriad of reasons, they have emotions ranging from caution to dread. To complicate things, one half of a couple might be overjoyed and the other not so.” Excerpt from Being a Distance Son or Daughter a Book for ALL Generations
BOOK SERIES NEWS
ON THE HOME FRONT
from the British and Irish Film Festival. It set in Dorset close to where family live. The highlight was the Auckland Writers Festival—attending seven author talks & panels in all. It’s the largest book festival per capita in the Southern Hemisphere, and I came away enriched, even by sessions on topics I knew little about. We rounded things off with a local comedy play in a quirky old pumphouse by the lake, just 20 minutes from home. Currently I’m eyeing the French Film Festival programme, wondering what to see next. And this month we’re booked to take my mum to a very British tradition, Last Night of the Proms. I love it all and grateful the venues are reasonably handy and accessible. Take care until next time
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