​There’s something special about Christmas that brings families together, even those who don’t follow the Christian calendar. December seems to beckon family visits, as children are off school, workplaces are more generous with vacation time, and there’s an undeniable festive spirit in the air.

​This past December, I made two trips to the Arrivals Hall at Auckland International Airport. As always, I found myself absorbed in the art of people-watching. There’s something uniquely magical about the airport during Christmas. The usual comings and goings transform into a heartwarming spectacle: balloons bobbing in the air, festive hats on eager heads, flowers in hand, homemade signs waving, and an abundance of joy. Watching these reunions unfold—complete with laughter, hugs, and even tears—felt like stepping into real-life scenes from Love Actually.

​Speaking of which, I adore that movie. A year ago, when we were in London, the familiar tunes from its soundtrack filled the city streets from speakers hooked up to passing rickshaw rides. It instantly transported me back to Hugh Grant’s dancing Prime Minister, his unforgettable singing bodyguard, and the ensemble cast that captured the essence of love and connection during the holidays.

​If you had the joy of visiting family or welcoming loved ones this Christmas, I hope it was a time of special memories and heartfelt moments.

​​grandparents picking up children at school?” If you’re a grandparent, try asking your children abroad, “How are you adjusting to the workplace culture?” or your grandkids, “What’s it like having an accent that stands out?”
These conversations don’t just provide insight—they build empathy, deepen understanding, and create a stronger foundation for connection.

Each book in the Distance Families book series carries the subtitle A Book for ALL Generations because fostering mutual understanding is a shared effort. Want to discover how to better connect with your family members across the miles? Explore the entire series and take the first step toward truly understanding “how it is” for your “other.”

​​​hosting. That’s why I’ve embraced a simple mantra: If it’s meant to be it's up to me. My approach is straightforward: no fuss, no frills. I want hosting to feel doable—for myself and for anyone who might be inspired to try it.

Of course, family visits often come with their own unique challenges, like working remotely from different time zones. My stepson, for example, has to teach online lectures this week from 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. To make it work, we shuffled more furniture, set up a makeshift workstation, and stocked up on essentials like a thermos of tea and plenty of snacks. It’s not ideal, but it worked - flexibility makes all the difference.

These visits remind me that while hosting and adapting can be a lot of work, the memories and connections built during these times are always worth it.

Finally,  my second hip replacement has been very successful. I am near enough pain free and enjoying my wonderful new installations!

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

Early next year our youngest grandson and family will be visiting NZ. It's got us thinking about hiring a car seat - one less item for them to manage enroute. One local hire company is already fully booked in February. Perhaps this isn't something to be left to the last minute. In my research I found a super useful link about global baby/child car seat rules. It makes for interesting reading. Did you know 76 countries, just under 40% of the world’s countries have no child car seat laws? Here’s a pic of our wee grandson on our last US visit enjoying the comforts of these amazing contraptions.

I am naturally alert to headlines featuring the words ‘long distance’. People aren’t the only beings that travel long distances. We all know birds achieve amazing feats. Sharing this article as kuaka (godwits) take up home in tidal mudflats near where I live. The photo I am sharing was taken by a local friend who in recent times has won a truckload of photography awards. Leanne has travelled the world to capture her amazing images. Her website portfolio is a treat to visit.

​I have been alert lately to much talk about the Gen Z generation.  There was this revealing article in The Conversation about Trump winning over the “lost boys” of the Gen Z generation.  The more you learn how different this generation is from all others it gets me thinking more about ‘how it is’ being a Gen Z Distance Grandchild. There is much to learn.

Take care and seasons greetings until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

Here's a bunch of recent articles that affect distance families.

• Bilingualism under threat: structured literacy will make it harder for children to hold on to their mother tongue
• Bridging Generations by Crossing the Intergenerational Digital Divide
• Travel can slow the aging process, new study says
• What makes a person seem wise? Global study finds that cultures do differ – but not as much as you’d think

​This month our granddaughter who resides in Edinburgh visited New Zealand. We’d seen her last Christmas in Edinburgh and Wiltshire in the U.K. Visits homes are all too brief as we all know. As I write this she’s about to board her homeward bound flight. It is disconcerting knowing we don’t have plans, right now, to visit the U.K. and neither does she have plans for a return New Zealand visit. But hopefully a trip will be planned in one or other direction, sooner than later.

​Last month I told you about my new office – a space all of my own. I had hoped to share framed pictures on the walls, however, I haven’t quite decided where everything is going. In the meantime here are a few pictures of some of my books and treasures.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

Many partners, players and professions contribute to the world’s understanding and support of those who live away from ‘home’. A key player are specialist expat/migrant psychologists, therapists, counsellors and coaches. The majority have been, or still are, expat/migrants themselves. They have ‘walked the walk’ and provide valuable in-person and remote online support. Expats and migrants find that clinicians who have never personally navigated global mobility aren’t as effective as those who have, because living a distance comes with unique challenges and emotions.

I have crossed paths with many expat/migrant support clinicians. My specialist research topic, distance families, is centre stage of expat/migrant challenges. My overall impression of the practitioners I have met is that they are caring and committed to their craft. So many explain that they started informally helping friends and colleagues by sharing their personal experiences. They soon realized they had a talent to help people. After formal education and training and a lot of pluck, they’d make a monumental leap of faith and transition to self-employment and a new career direction.
There are three interesting aspects to this industry.

First, there are no uniform, global regulatory boards or rules. For example, a therapist practicing in California can only help individuals living in California. Regular appointments need to be put on hold when a client vacations in another state. Likewise, standardised global qualifications exist in some quarters but not in all. For example, in certain countries, a therapist with a B.A. majoring in psychology may refer to themselves as a psychologist. In America, however, a psychologist must have achieved a Ph.D. Likewise, Organizational Psychologists are often found in large global corporations teaching cultural awareness to new arrivals. They can’t operate a clinic guiding employees on an individual basis. That this industry needs to and does self-monitor itself at the global level is a credit to its players.

The second interesting aspect is that this support industry is geared to those who have departed, rather than those ‘left behind’. Expats and migrants don’t need to go far to find a therapist or coach who understands their situation. However, when the ‘left behind’ seek support their local therapist may have little or no understanding of the nuances of families separated by geography.
​
Third, when estrangement or similar occurs within geographically separated intergenerational families therapy options are limited. As a general rule clinicians don’t offer simultaneous counselling with all parties across multiple time zones. 

​In 2021 in between COVID lockdowns I recorded the narration for the audio version of Being a Distance Grandparent – a Book for ALL Generations. It involved around nine visits to a small studio in a suburb half an hour away. As I drove along the motorway I would practice making weird sounds attempting to wake up my vocal chords and exercising my lips and tongue. Once there I set up camp in a cubicle that resembled a confessional. To avoid page turning noises I would read from an iPad. An audio technician was listening in studio next door. When I occasionally fluffed my words he’d interrupt me. I would hear his voice in my headphones and I’d need to start again. He would magically piece all the sections together and listeners would never know.
 
One of the lovely things about this project was that my son contributed. He is a broadcaster and works for the classical radio station, WFMT in Chicago. He kindly recorded the Foreword written by global mobility academic, Professor Loretta Baldassar. You may read the Foreword here.
For an audio introduction from myself please click here.
For a free eBook sample please click here.

Readers will know that a house move has dominated my last 12 months. Finally it is over. We moved into our new apartment and it is wonderful to no longer be in transition. Many a time I reflected that we only shifted five minutes down the road. Our family, who has settled overseas, have endured so much more.

I no longer share an office with my husband and adore my new space. By next month I will have decided where the picture frames are hung and will share a photo or two of my new office.
​
We’re getting used to all the extra keys, swipe cards and the like. You soon learn you never go up or down the elevator without carrying something. However, all those slightly annoying aspects of apartment life melt into oblivion when I look out the windows to the beautiful view we now enjoy.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

​This week the new owner settled on our house sale and hubby and I moved to a temporary, small Airbnb. In October we move to our new-build apartment. We bought the apartment off the plans a year ago so transition has been a dominant theme for a year. 

In January we booked a local storage unit as part of this transition. We used it to de-clutter and this week acquired a second one for this week’s move. Our possessions are piled high. It amazes me how much can be squeezed into a small space. 
​
I find these storage facilities interesting liminal spaces. A liminal space is a bridge between where you were and where you’re going – mentally and/or physically – like airports. Customers come and go at the storage facility. You never know who is going to be there when you drive in. At times I think we all feel a tad ‘undressed’ as we load our possessions and push a trolley up a lift and along the corridors looking for our allocated door number and familiar padlock. 

Our current little apartment is a liminal space also. This one comes with the perk of no home maintenance responsibilities - just the basics. I quite like that aspect of our stay. Additionally it's a 15 minute’s walk to a stunning beach. Spring has just arrived 'Downunder'. It's way too early for frolicking in the Pacific Ocean but it’s nice to have the sea so handy. 

​children thrive as they straddle their two cultural worlds? This is the topic ​of an upcoming FIGT webinar I mentioned last month. If you are based in New Zealand and the likes of Australia and interested in global mobility it could be a real eye opener. All are welcome to sit in on this session. It will be recorded for those who cannot attend on the day. Here's a link to a local article (see pg 42). For more information & to register please click here.

​Being separated from family back home is one of the toughest gigs of expat/migrant life. Like a helping hand?
​Grab your copy today.

​For Sale sign - the same day the surgeon picked up his scalpel! 
When the No 1 priority is to recover in peace in a home with no foot traffic, it’s amazing what compromises and adjustments we’ll make.
Doing Distance Families takes lots resilience. I can’t help but feel that decades of Distance Familying adjustments and acceptance are good training for other parts of our lives.
Anyway, back to the topic. We are now in 'packing mode' and my recovery is going well. Our future plans have certainty and that’s a terrific place to be.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***

They're forced to blend in and figure it out, making it mainly a DIY 'adventure'. More often than not, it was their choice to move. They feel a sense of responsibility to make it work… come what may. Thrown into the mix are the children’s experiences, which can differ, even in the same family. The outcomes for these children is an aspect of global mobility that sits under the radar.

In August FIGT ANZA will host a New Zealand focused migrant webinar about these permanent migrant children. Auckland is one of the most diverse cities in the world with the fourth highest foreign-born population at 39%. Every day migrant children flip-flop between their home, school and friend cultures. How does this affect them? Even their name can flip-flop. This article is a real eye opener.
​
If you have an interest in this topic, you are very welcome to sit in on this online event when I interview Miki Brooks. For more info and to register please click here.

One of the joys of being an author are ‘meet the author’ events when you chat with readers who for me, are also the subject of my books. Thanks to the generous hospitality of Chicago’s expat supporter, Linda Mueller, I recently enjoyed this treat-twice. We co-hosted two sessions (daytime and evening). 
The venue was unique… a private club that felt like a secret speakeasy bar. Check out Birch Road. We sipped coffee/wine, ate nibbles, and discussions flowed.

​One of the main concerns raised by attendees was how to care for elderly parents who live far away. It’s the toughest gig of expat/migrant life. It was hard not reach for my well-thumbed and tabbed copy of Being a Distance Daughter and remind them of the chapters and topics they can access to help their journey.

• Declining and Caring At a Distance
• To Travel or Not to Travel
• Death at a Distance and Settling Affairs

I was also frank about never being what I call the ‘Out of Town Expert with the Briefcase’. Who is that? It's the sibling who flies home when there’s a problem and directs everyone about with great gusto. Time is short and there’s much to do. However, what the visitor overlooks is all that the local siblings and extended family, over time, have come to recognise and appreciate about the current issues. Their concerns and first hand knowledge need to be considered. The visiting sibling should first ask how they can best support those on the ground, before taking control.

We thoroughly enjoyed 5 weeks visiting family in U.S.A. We saw our new wee grandson again, our older grandsons who met their new cousin for the first time, our daughter, son and daughter-in-law and met dozens of their friends. The latter is a very important part of our visits. They want us to experience ‘their USA’ – their homes, where they work, their friends, where they like to hang out etc. This trip also included grandson, end-of-school-year events which I can thoroughly recommend timing visits around, as a way of learning more about your grandchildren’s worlds.
​
In my last newsletter I mentioned our grandson's new, enthusiastic interest in all-things cricket. In  Being a Distance Daughter I ask the question, What is your Distance Family 'currency'? 

This visit our shared currencies were home made fruit cake transported across the Pacific (always a winner), cricket and chess (another new currency). It had been decades since I've played chess and the brain was a tad rusty. But what the heck, my 9 year old grandson loved beating Nanma. I'll need to brush up my chess before his next visit.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

​Sadly, these topics are rarely raised over the kitchen table or online calls between generations.  The subtitle of my books is, A Book For ALL Generations. The grandparent book isn’t just for grandparents and the Son/Daughter book isn’t just for expats and migrants. The upcoming grandchild book won't be just for grandchildren. Actively learning ‘how it is’ for the ‘other’ generation is a generous Distance Families act of love and fills voids you didn’t know existed in a helpful, settling way - a case of, 'you don't know what you don't know.

I will be home mid-June and for the first time since the pandemic times there are no more travels booked.

​The priorities will be:

• Sell our house
• Get the first of two hip replacements done
• Move into our new apartment
• Work on and publish Being a Distance Grandchild 

I think that will keep me busy!

There won't be a newsletter in June, but I'll be back in July as normal.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
*** Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page ***
 
*** Please forward this newsletter to others who may enjoy it. Thank you! ***

​Just a reminder if you’d like to go into the draw for a free paperback edition posted anywhere in the world just click here.

I will be back visiting family in Chicago in a few months. The lovely Chicago based Linda Mueller is an Expat Coach and Founder of International Women in Chicago. Linda does an amazing job gathering expats, arranging events and creating a community of like-minded women experiencing similar transitions. In 2022 Linda kindly hosted an author event and I met with some of her community. We're going to do this again - this time a daytime session on Wednesday 8 May and an evening session on Tuesday 4 June. Live in Chicago or know someone who does? Please let them know about these events and Linda's work.

​Shop manager with the subject line, "More stock please" and the message, "The Distance Grandparent books are flying out the door", I knew I was overdue for a short drive north to drop off more stock.  I love chatting to the volunteers in the shop who are passionate about their merchandise and local area. I am so impressed with this community facility. 
If you live in New Zealand and have a similar sort of shop nearby please let me know. I would love to contact them and offer the book series.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
P.S. Not registered to receive this monthly newsletter? You may register on the right of this page. Thanks for your support. HE