DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​Today, as I start writing this newsletter it’s the first day of Spring in the Southern Hemisphere and the first day of Autumn/Fall in the Northern Hemisphere. It is such a pivotal calendar point for Distance Families. ​Northern Hemisphere expats who have recently moved for new assignments are hunkering down and hoping their off-spring are coping okay at their new schools. While ‘downunder’, many of us have travelled north during the North Hemisphere summer and are coming out the other end of another Covid winter. We’re two thirds the way through the school year and hoping this coming summer will be something close to normal… whatever normal is.

Being a Distance Son or Daughter brings with it a unique set of emotions – every minute of every day you are geographically distanced from family. Few of the associated emotions are talked about over the kitchen table family visits. Here’s a free chapter titled ‘Unpacking Emotions’ from Being a Distance Son or Daughter

​Thank you so much for sharing this link. I found the chapter so helpful in validating the emotional highs and lows of distance families. (Distance Daughter)

​Now that many of us are ‘back home’ and riding out the next few months, until some will enjoy Christmas visits here is my own article about how to include family when they live abroad.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​With Spring comes a sense that New Zealand is finally opening up again. Events that haven’t been on the calendar for 2+ years are finally being staged. That includes small events like public library talks and book fairs. If you live in Auckland or Tauranga please check out the upcoming, in-person events here. In the meantime Zoom is here to stay and this week I had the opportunity to talk with residents of Ryman Retirement Villages sharing thoughts about distance grandparenting. ​I also connected with Italian expat coach, Barbora Gemmelove. We filmed a talk that will be on the programme for her early October, third Language and Mental Wellbeing conference for expatriates. Do check this out. The line-up is excellent. ​

Have you heard of Bookshop.org? It is one of the great success stories of Covid. If you live in U.S.A., U.K. or Spain you may order a book online, have it delivered to your door and choose a local independent bookshop to receive the profit - keeping that income recycling in your neighborhood. What a wonderful initiative. I can’t wait for Bookshop.org to set up in New Zealand. Here is a terrific video explaining Bookshop.org's story and a link to my SHOP page where you’ll find easy links to purchase my books from Bookshop.org. ​

ON THE HOME FRONT

​Inside, we’re in preparation mode. Our U.K. grandson is coming to New Zealand for a GAP year and we’re looking forward to hosting him from time to time. And at Christmas two of our overseas adult children and two other grandchildren will be visiting. Rather than invest in a bunch of new furniture I love these lime green, fold-up mattresses I’ve acquired that will ‘do the trick’ for the six and eight year old. We videoed their room the other day and the boys loved seeing where they would stay.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​The headlines seem to be focused on travel chaos as families catch up after being stuck at home for the last two years. The Northern Hemisphere summer vacation traffic and airport worker strikes have further exacerbated the problem. I can’t help but ask the question, “Where have all the ground staff, flight attendants and pilots gone?” They were there two years ago. Have they all found new careers – clever them?

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​The book helped me understand how my parents may feel and how I, expat, may be able to support them. A helpful and special book that will resonate with many.

​Helen shares that she wants all generations to read her books, and I completely agree. As the distance daughter, I have learned so much. I have gleaned tips for how I will do things a little differently going forward. But most importantly I now have a deeper understanding of the experience my parents and in laws have had, I can now empathise with them and share the load a little.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​I was pleased I felt sufficiently recovered to venture out this past weekend and attend The NZ Society of Author’s Auckland Roadshow. I have been a member of this terrific organisation for over two years but thanks to the pandemic restrictions I've never been able to attend an in-person function. It was refreshing and stimulating to mix with other authors and learn from experts.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​It is heart-warming to know so many distance families are on the move. ​Air New Zealand is currently relaunching 14 international routes in 16 days. They say it is much easier to close an airline down than reopen it, so this is a huge achievement. Still on the subject of Air New Zealand in an article discussing the variation in mask use around the world. I loved the line, “Covid isn’t going to be absent from your trip completely… Air NZ doesn’t sell trips to 2019.” So true.

On a cheerier note I loved this article shared by multilingual expert Ute Limach-Riebold about how laughter is expressed around the world. It was a revelation and good to know if your family is multicultural. And talking about all things multi-cultural, here is a list of the best 25 books on the topic.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​Here at last… Being a Distance Son or Daughter. Today the e-book and paperback are available globally. If you are an expat or migrant, do you occasionally struggle navigating relationships with home? Likewise, if you’re one of the folks back home, are there times you don’t fully ‘get’ your scattered family? ​ Being a Distance Son or Daughter will gently connect the dots for all generations. Gems, hints and tips are available for the taking.

ON THE HOME FRONT

June Newsletter

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

I enjoyed this The Atlantic article about making families work. If you have a subscription it is worth a read. The key message is that “imperfect people can still enjoy a satisfying and healthy bond”. Books are one of our family’s ‘currencies’. Here the author reminds us of the importance of reading and giving book

Global mobility can be littered with challenges so I was proud and delighted to see an article pop up on LinkedIn by an extended family member. His family are digital nomads and when one location really wasn’t working, they packed up and found somewhere different. There’s another expat sibling in this family and combined they’ve lived in several countries. The New Zealand distance grandmother (my sister-in-law) is very accepting – a great place to be.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

I am very proud to announce that Being a Distance Son or Daughter – a Book for ALL Generations, the second book in the Distance Families series is published.  You may order your copy NOW: New Zealand: The paperback edition is available now. Full details here. ​ Global: E-book paperback available for pre-order now, for delivery after 7/7/22.

“I have been a global citizen for much longer than was a stationary citizen.  Not fully belonging anywhere is a feeling I am comfortable with, and even crave if I stay too long in any one place. My husband and children understand this feeling, even if they experience it somewhat differently.  My family and oldest friends love telling stories about my newest location but really know very little about my experiences. It has always been this way.  Until I read Helen´s book, I was unaware that the way I felt and bumbled through my oldest relationships was common to serial expats.  This book provided insight into how others have found solutions to navigate distant relationships in a way that can be mutually satisfying.  As my own adult children start to scatter around the globe, I have the advantage of being able to experience their joy secondhand, combined with new knowledge on managing our future distant relationships.  What an excellent life resource!”

ON THE HOME FRONT

In the past year I have done numerous online podcasts and webinars. Every in-person author event has been cancelled - thanks to COVID and New Zealand's strict policies. However, in Chicago, and thanks to the energetic Linda Mueller from @theexpatpartnercoach I finally got to meet readers in person, at a local library event. A bonus extra was meeting a fellow author, Margaret Ghielmetti, who has written an engaging expat memoir, Brave(ish), I can highly recommend. What a joy and privilege to meet in-person. Here is what Linda had to say about Being a Distance Son or Daughter.

The end of May saw us finally boarding a plane to visit our U.S. Distance Family - our first visit in 3.5 years. It felt a tad scary trying to keep out of circulation before we left - there was a lot at stake. When we were presented with negative COVID test results, the morning of our departure, we could finally get excited. We're now in Chicago and soon move on to Florida to vacation with our family and finally hug our grandsons.

​I had the privilege of reading an advance copy of Helen's latest book "Being a Distance Son or Daughter" and I highly recommend it. Helen's research, resources, and vulnerable insight have me both patting myself on the back for the things I've done well AND considering ways that I can improve how I distance family. It's truly a book for 'ALL' generations.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​It feels like everyone is travelling. Most people I talk to are either heading somewhere themselves, or having visitors fly in.   Flights in and out of New Zealand are frequently fully booked. Bookings are dominated by what the travel industry refers to as the VFR market (visiting friends and relatives) - that's us -  Distance Families.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

April delivered the first birthday for Being a Distance Grandparent. Where has the last 12 months gone? What a journey it has been. Writing my first book will always go down as a milestone achievement but more importantly are all the people (all generations) who have been affected by it. Their comments are so gratifying. “I wish I had read this book before our first translocation. This book is a well-structured, informative and knowledge-based read about distance grandparenting. Throughout the book Helen offers a broad range of perspectives as a New Zealander distance grandparent, which gives a very authentic yet disciplinary approach to the understanding of the topic. With her honesty and personal voice the book becomes a very enjoyable easy read. It is a must-read for each member of a distance family, a book you should read over and over again.” ​ Judit Végh Intercultural Psychology Expert www.refocusinternational.com

The manuscript for Being a Distance Son or Daughter is DONE and right now much beavering is going on behind the scenes producing what the book industry calls the 'internal file'. It is all about 'copy and pasting' 60,000 words from a plain WORD file into a special programme that lays it out, page by page for both the paperback and e-book editions. There's lots to think about. What font, how to display headings, topics and even where to put the page numbers. Can't believe how I have taken these details for granted any time I pick up a book. As my books form a series you'll find all these little details are consistent from one edition to the next.  If you've read the Grandparent book you'll be right at home in the Son/Daughter book. By the end of May New Zealanders will be able to order a paperback edition. For the rest of the world pre-ordering for both the e-book and paperback will be possible in a few weeks with the publishing date set for 7/7/22.

ON THE HOME FRONT

We've had to say goodbye to our U.K. son who has been visiting for 5 weeks. He caught up with many friends and family and it's been lovely having our spare bedroom finally occupied. Life feelings like it is returning to some version of a new normal. Now it is countdown to our U.S. visit to see family. The To Do list is written and I am one of those people who revels in crossing each item off. I even confess to having an Excel Packing Chart I print each time we're heading away!  Take care until next time ​Helen Ellis

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

In March I attended the FIGT 2022 Virtual Conference. Who and what is FIGT?  "Families in Global Transition is a welcoming forum for globally mobile individuals, families, and those working with them. We promote cross-sector connections for sharing research and developing best practices that support the growth, success and well-being of people crossing cultures around the world." The conference theme was, 'Where do we go from here?' With over 75 presenters the weekend was filled with rich commentary about so many aspects of expat/migrant and Third Culture Kid/Adult culture. FIGT is run by volunteers from all around the world. My contribution was helping to set up a Virtual Bookstore (see laptop photo accompanied by a delicious pastéis de nata - Portuguese custard tart). Attendees were able to enter the room, live-chat with authors and others - the miracles of modern technology. FIGT does an absolutely superb job to support the globally mobile. If this is interests you I recommend checking out FIGT.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

The second book of the Distance Families series, 'Being a Distance Son or Daughter - a Book for ALL Generations' is a whisker away from transitioning from a large Word document via some book design software and on to Amazon etc. I am very proud of this book and can't wait to share it with ALL generations of Distance Families. Check out the reviews - I'm delighted with the feedback. The global launch date will be 7/7/22. Why did I pick that date? It works in America where they reverse the day and month and the rest of the world. Pre-order your copy (paperback or e-book) in May. More details to come.

ON THE HOME FRONT

A three year break from seeing our Distance Family was broken in March when my stepson arrived from the U.K. for a visit and he is still here now. We'll never again take opportunities to connect with family from afar for granted. But it didn't stop there...

At the beginning of April we hosted an out-of-town birthday party for my husband. A large bunch of friends and family travelled for the occasion. We had a surprise guest: our U.S. based daughter Lucy arrived that morning and walked in the door. She was able to stay for just two nights. What an incredible evening & 48 hours - I'll never forget it. My face tells it all. ​

AVAILABLE NOW - AUDIOBOOK VERSION OF Being a Distance Grandparent

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Come the U.K. Mother's Day weekend I will be presenting at the Families in Global Transition virtual conference.  ​The “we” of ‘Where do we go from here?’ incorporates more than just our FIGT2022 conference attendees. Behind every participant are ‘left behind’ families at ‘home’, contributing to a larger narrative of, ‘Where does Distance Familying go from here?’ All generations, everywhere, are affected. Our familying ‘head space’ will never return to pre-COVID-19 times. I will be presenting an informal Kitchen Table discussion at: Fri 25 March UTC 05.20 & 15.10hrs.

DISTANCE FAMILYING HINT If you live in the U.K. and your mother lives somewhere else in the world it's still time to go shopping for a Mother's Day card. Buy one now, before the 27th, after which cards will disappear from the shops. Put it aside and post it in plenty of time for Mother's Day where your mother lives. Check out this link for global Mother's Day dates. Down the track, when Mother's Day is plastered everywhere at home she'll be SO impressed you remembered.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

Some time back I was shortlisted for Australasia's 'The Employee Mobility Institute' (TEMI) Awards  under the category of 'Best Mobile Workforce Wellbeing Initiative'. The ritzy event was held in Melbourne, Australia this month and as per normal, in this part of the world, it was impossible to attend. Three Australian interstate finalists were also in the same position. So the fantastic organizers arranged for each of us to be represented by a mobile robot standing around a meter with an iPad atop. It moved about the venue via instructions from an onsite minder and/or myself. My robot had my name on it and was adorned with a large black boa feather to represent NZ's All Black's theme colour. I was able to chat with attendees, mix n mingle and 'sit' at a table when they ate their meal. When the awards were announced I was honoured to be chosen for my category. My robot made its way onto the stage. A microphone was put to it (see photo!) and I delivered my speech from across the Tasman. What a blast of an evening. It was terrific to see Distance Families being acknowledged in this corporate mobility arena.  In the meantime, the second book in the Distance Families series, Being a Distance Son or Daughter is getting closer. For the last week my wonderful proofreader Paddy Hartnett has been pouring over the manuscript. I liken him to a fastidious  cleaner who scrubs and dusts, making every nook and cranny sparkle.  Every writer needs  a Paddy in their lives.

ON THE HOME FRONT

Our guest room is getting a Spring clean after a long hiatus. My U.K. stepson is arriving mid-March for a month. It's been a long time between drinks, as the saying goes - our first family visitor in three years. We're very excited and so is he. In the meantime, when we did a Risk Analysis of our U.S. based daughter travelling down later in 2022 with our two wee grandson lads we all decided it was more riskier for them to end up stranded in NZ with COVID than hubby and I suffering the same fate in the U.S. So arrangements have changed and we'll be visiting the U.S. in a few months.  ​ One of my masters research findings was, 'Change is a constant companion for Distance Grandparents'. I'd add to that - flexibility is a super power.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Do you have an interest personally and/or professionally in all things global mobility? I can recommend the Families in Global Transition (FIGT) virtual conference at the end of March. I will be attending and presenting for the second time. It's a friendly, welcoming environment.

THE POWER OF PHOTO BOOKS In 'Being a Distance Grandparent' I write of the value of printing photo books for grandkids - photos or highlights of an upcoming visit or photos of a visit just had. Let me introduce Peter, one of our grandchildren from America. In the picture he's 15 months old and visiting NZ during the 2015/16 Christmas. He's playing with red blocks hand made by my uncle. When Peter returned home I sent him a photo album from his visit. This photo featured. He visited us again six months later when he was nearly two. In the meantime the photo album has hung around the toy corner. Peter's now 7 years and hasn't been to NZ or seen these blocks for 5 years but the photo book has always been doing its job to keep memories alive. I was so surprised to receive this text from my daughter. "Peter has asked that I make sure you know how much he likes the red blocks and to make sure you haven't given those away... he wants to play with them when he comes in July." WOW!!! The power of Photo Books.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

The audio version of 'Being a Distance Grandparent' narrated by myself is DONE. The project started last July and with lockdown it dragged on but finally after 8 or 9 studio visits, 19 hours in the studio and the normal editing I am delighted with the finished book. The audio book sector is the fastest growing publishing platform. Global audio book platforms are presently loading the book file in their systems. It takes a couple of weeks or so before the book will appear online. In the meantime here's a free sample. If you've already read 'Being a Distance Grandparent' I would welcome a review. There's lots of places you may review.

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​The NZ government has delayed its earlier decision to open up the border to citizens (& immediate family) with reduced restrictions. You'll see from the December Newsletter's photo our son and daughter-in-law are no longer able to arrive in February. Our other two adult distance children also have tentative plans for 2022 visits. Crossing our fingers. Patience is a necessary virtue if you are a NZ Distance Family.  ​In the meantime here are 25 Things Grandparents can say to their Grandkids and don't forget to store and share vital information.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

The last month has been full of much brain gym. Quite a few mornings have found me editing the second book of the Distance Families series, Being a Distance Son or Daughter - a book for ALL Generations.  Then in the afternoons my hubby has been golfing more, so with the house to myself I've listened to hours of my own voice checking the audiobook narration of Being a Distance Grandparent - a Book for ALL Generations.  Both are working their way through the editing processes and will be published later in 2022. In the meantime I am pretty chuffed to find my book in the Top Ten Expat Bookshop List for 2021 and a terrific review from grandparenting experts here

ON THE HOME FRONT