​On our recent holiday, we once again found the WIFI at our timeshare to be patchy and weak. Management assures us they're addressing it, but for now, our stays are marked by frustrating connectivity issues. Once, holidays were a time to unplug; now, with streaming services like Netflix, reliable WIFI feels almost as essential as food and water. In addition, as a Distance Family video calls were off the table during that time – not ideal.

​Behind all of this has been another concern: that my ability to travel freely and visit family could be compromised. It’s hard enough managing physical limitations at home, let alone facing the demands of long-haul flights. So my plan is to stay surgery-free through 2025 and aim to visit family in 2026. My footwear is now fully orthotic-friendly — and if that’s what it takes to stay mobile, I’m all in.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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The other day I was on a video call with some expat/migrant coaches and counsellors. A couple of them specialise in supporting staff and families of International Schools. They commented how the school’s community was hugely impacted by so many families unexpectedly packing up and returning to the U.S. after the Trump administration dismantled USAID which funds so much important global NGO activity. Humanitarian aid workers and their families have had their lives turned upside down. Their work is precarious enough at the best of time. I have family involved on the periphery and it is scary to watch what’s unfolding.
From a Distance Families perspective there are likely grandparents and extended family pleased to see their loved ones return home. However, it was never the affected family’s plan. Emergency repatriation is tough on everyone.
Interested to understand more? Here are some other articles:
AP News  Reuters  Public Broadcasting Service  The Washington Post

I am always envious of anyone who can work, undisturbed in a noisy environment whether it’s an open plan office or a café. Similarly, if there’s a lot happening in my personal world and a task requires extra concentration I find it hard to switch on and off as life goes on around me. Noise and mayhem tends to clutter my brain.

​​As life has quietened down on many fronts revisiting the draft of Being a Distance Grandchild – a Book for ALL Generations has gone from a task hanging over me to a joy. I’d compare it to having a delicious carrot cake smothered in a tangy icing sitting in the refrigerator. You keep going back for just another wee bite. Normally I enjoy relaxing in front of the television at night but now I find myself back at my desk for half an hour fine tuning a paragraph or two. Improvements pop out and I am completely immersed.
 
I will never win a race for writing a book but I love the process when you’re in the zone.

Be sure to enter here to go in the draw for a free autographed copy when it's published.

We own a timeshare week at a resort three and a half hours from home and always enjoy our visits there. The place is so familiar. It’s like owning a holiday home.
In 2024 we chose to forgo our annual entitlement because the building had to be re-roofed and some weeks needed to be blocked off for the work to proceed. We were travelling overseas so were happy to oblige. We’re finally back here again and enjoying ourselves. 
It's Autumn and the weather can do anything... and that's exactly what it did. Here's our Pacific Ocean view on our arrival day along with what we woke up to the next day.  Crossing our fingers it stays that way.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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Few families are truly "happy, happy families"—despite what Facebook suggests. Estrangement is common, even across distances, with some choosing to move overseas or across the country to escape family tensions.
When I came across an article by my two favorite authors on estrangement and disconnected families, I knew it worthy of sharing.  Joshua Coleman and Karl Pillemer quote sociologist Amy Schalet, who describes family relations as shaped by “adversarial individualism”—the idea that identity is formed in defiance of parents rather than collaboration with them. Their article is a balanced, insightful read offering expert, down-to-earth solutions for disconnected and estranged families. Highly recommended!

​Academic research on distance families is rare, so when a new article is published, it goes straight to the top of my reading list.
Weronika Kloc-Nowak and Louise Ryan’s piece, "I Kiss The Screen, But It Is Not the Same" – Grandparenting in Geographically Dispersed Families, is a must-read. While global distance families often get the spotlight, this article also acknowledges those living apart within the same country—a lesser-studied but equally important reality. Click the link to explore their valuable insights.

​Looking for a meaningful gift? Being a Distance Grandparent and Being a Distance Son or Daughter acknowledge pivotal family roles.
If you’re an expat, gifting the Son/Daughter book to your parents can help them understand your world. Likewise, if you’re a grandparent, Being a Distance Grandparent offers connection and perspective.
The subtitle of each book- "A Book for ALL Generations"—reflects its wide relevance. Understanding your experience is valuable, but so is gaining insight into other generations in your family.
I'm sharing a photo of my book covers in my office, along with scenes representing where my three distance adult children live. I love this collage.

​ankle just before the February arrivals, greeting them in a moon boot and knee scooter. Then, my husband and I caught a throat infection, leaving us run-down. Hosting while under the weather is a tough gig.
Another reality of these visits? Regular life goes on hold. I pride myself on multi-tasking, but the author/researcher/blogger part of me had to take a back seat. My office became a temporary bedroom, and my laptop sat on a tea trolley in our bedroom. So, my apologies for the radio silence.
The last guests left on Friday. We’re back to being Darby and Joan. Saying goodbye at the airport was bittersweet, not knowing when we’ll see them next. But we also need to reclaim our regular rhythm for our health and well-being—just as they return to their lives. Our Distance Grandparent/Parent tanks are overflowing, and for that, we are deeply grateful.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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​Yet, even back home, the realities of working across time zones persist. When our extended family gathered to celebrate New Year's Day—a public holiday in New Zealand—her husband was at his desk. For him, it was still New Year's Eve in the U.S., a regular workday that couldn’t be ignored. This is the trade-off many digital nomads accept. The freedom to live anywhere comes with the challenge of blending work and life across different time zones. It’s not always glamorous, but for those who choose this path, the rewards often outweigh the sacrifices.
The New Zealand government has recently made it easier for digital nomads to move to our shores. Here’s a link to the official announcement.

The words distance and distant often feature in conversations, research, and writing about intergenerational, geographically separated families. While the two terms are related, their meanings differ subtly, and they are frequently (and unintentionally) mixed up.

• Distance refers solely to geography.
• Distant can refer to geography and/or the quality of a relationship.

As the founder of DistanceFamilies.com and the author of the Distance Families book series I’ve seen this mix-up occur so often that I decided to invest in the domain name DistantFamilies.com. If you type it in you’ll be directed to my website! The confusion is understandable—it’s easy to assume that geographical distance automatically equates to emotional distance.
But here’s one of my strongest messages: it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ve met countless parents and grandparents who proudly share that they are closest to the family members who live the furthest away. Why? Because all parties—often led by dedicated and intentional Distance Sons and Daughters (and sons-law and daughters-in-law ) who make extraordinary efforts to stay connected. And it works.
So, never feel that geographical separation must lead to emotional distance. With intention, effort, and communication, distance does not have to mean distant.

Life at home has revolved around our far-flung family coming and going. Last month, my U.K. stepson wrapped up a five-week stay, returning home in mid-January. For a few days, he embraced the digital nomad lifestyle also, lecturing online between 1 a.m. and 6 a.m. I was amazed at how smoothly we all managed this, given that we now live in an apartment. To avoid disturbing us, he’d fill a thermos with tea, stock up on snacks, and keep to his end of the apartment—avoiding nocturnal trips to the kitchen. As we were waking up, he was heading to bed, and we found our daily rhythm, reconnecting around lunchtime.

Now, we’re gearing up for the next wave of visitors. Next weekend, our U.S. daughter arrives with our grandsons, ages 8 and 10. Two weeks later, our U.S. son, daughter-in-law, her mother, and our 1-year-old grandson will join the mix. For three precious nights, we'll be in the same city/country, filling our home to capacity. What a wonderful “problem" to have!

​If there were a book called Confessions of a Grandmother, I’d have a chapter dedicated to my latest indulgence—buying over 100 traditional fruit mince pies for my grandsons, who absolutely love these English treats. They were on special at the supermarket, and come close to qualifying as a healthy snack. My daughter did the math: “That’s just two a day for the boys, plus one for Grandad, me, and you!”
Another great find? A ball shaped like a globe, discovered at a charity shop for $4. A small price to pay for a bit of joy and a reminder of how far and wide our family is spread. New Zealand is missing though, but we're used to that Downunder.  Perhaps that's why I found it in a charity shop!

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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​There’s something special about Christmas that brings families together, even those who don’t follow the Christian calendar. December seems to beckon family visits, as children are off school, workplaces are more generous with vacation time, and there’s an undeniable festive spirit in the air.

​This past December, I made two trips to the Arrivals Hall at Auckland International Airport. As always, I found myself absorbed in the art of people-watching. There’s something uniquely magical about the airport during Christmas. The usual comings and goings transform into a heartwarming spectacle: balloons bobbing in the air, festive hats on eager heads, flowers in hand, homemade signs waving, and an abundance of joy. Watching these reunions unfold—complete with laughter, hugs, and even tears—felt like stepping into real-life scenes from Love Actually.

​Speaking of which, I adore that movie. A year ago, when we were in London, the familiar tunes from its soundtrack filled the city streets from speakers hooked up to passing rickshaw rides. It instantly transported me back to Hugh Grant’s dancing Prime Minister, his unforgettable singing bodyguard, and the ensemble cast that captured the essence of love and connection during the holidays.

​If you had the joy of visiting family or welcoming loved ones this Christmas, I hope it was a time of special memories and heartfelt moments.

​​grandparents picking up children at school?” If you’re a grandparent, try asking your children abroad, “How are you adjusting to the workplace culture?” or your grandkids, “What’s it like having an accent that stands out?”
These conversations don’t just provide insight—they build empathy, deepen understanding, and create a stronger foundation for connection.

Each book in the Distance Families book series carries the subtitle A Book for ALL Generations because fostering mutual understanding is a shared effort. Want to discover how to better connect with your family members across the miles? Explore the entire series and take the first step toward truly understanding “how it is” for your “other.”

​​​hosting. That’s why I’ve embraced a simple mantra: If it’s meant to be it's up to me. My approach is straightforward: no fuss, no frills. I want hosting to feel doable—for myself and for anyone who might be inspired to try it.

Of course, family visits often come with their own unique challenges, like working remotely from different time zones. My stepson, for example, has to teach online lectures this week from 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. To make it work, we shuffled more furniture, set up a makeshift workstation, and stocked up on essentials like a thermos of tea and plenty of snacks. It’s not ideal, but it worked - flexibility makes all the difference.

These visits remind me that while hosting and adapting can be a lot of work, the memories and connections built during these times are always worth it.

Finally,  my second hip replacement has been very successful. I am near enough pain free and enjoying my wonderful new installations!

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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Early next year our youngest grandson and family will be visiting NZ. It's got us thinking about hiring a car seat - one less item for them to manage enroute. One local hire company is already fully booked in February. Perhaps this isn't something to be left to the last minute. In my research I found a super useful link about global baby/child car seat rules. It makes for interesting reading. Did you know 76 countries, just under 40% of the world’s countries have no child car seat laws? Here’s a pic of our wee grandson on our last US visit enjoying the comforts of these amazing contraptions.

I am naturally alert to headlines featuring the words ‘long distance’. People aren’t the only beings that travel long distances. We all know birds achieve amazing feats. Sharing this article as kuaka (godwits) take up home in tidal mudflats near where I live. The photo I am sharing was taken by a local friend who in recent times has won a truckload of photography awards. Leanne has travelled the world to capture her amazing images. Her website portfolio is a treat to visit.

​I have been alert lately to much talk about the Gen Z generation.  There was this revealing article in The Conversation about Trump winning over the “lost boys” of the Gen Z generation.  The more you learn how different this generation is from all others it gets me thinking more about ‘how it is’ being a Gen Z Distance Grandchild. There is much to learn.

Take care and seasons greetings until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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Here's a bunch of recent articles that affect distance families.

• Bilingualism under threat: structured literacy will make it harder for children to hold on to their mother tongue
• Bridging Generations by Crossing the Intergenerational Digital Divide
• Travel can slow the aging process, new study says
• What makes a person seem wise? Global study finds that cultures do differ – but not as much as you’d think

​This month our granddaughter who resides in Edinburgh visited New Zealand. We’d seen her last Christmas in Edinburgh and Wiltshire in the U.K. Visits homes are all too brief as we all know. As I write this she’s about to board her homeward bound flight. It is disconcerting knowing we don’t have plans, right now, to visit the U.K. and neither does she have plans for a return New Zealand visit. But hopefully a trip will be planned in one or other direction, sooner than later.

​Last month I told you about my new office – a space all of my own. I had hoped to share framed pictures on the walls, however, I haven’t quite decided where everything is going. In the meantime here are a few pictures of some of my books and treasures.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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Many partners, players and professions contribute to the world’s understanding and support of those who live away from ‘home’. A key player are specialist expat/migrant psychologists, therapists, counsellors and coaches. The majority have been, or still are, expat/migrants themselves. They have ‘walked the walk’ and provide valuable in-person and remote online support. Expats and migrants find that clinicians who have never personally navigated global mobility aren’t as effective as those who have, because living a distance comes with unique challenges and emotions.

I have crossed paths with many expat/migrant support clinicians. My specialist research topic, distance families, is centre stage of expat/migrant challenges. My overall impression of the practitioners I have met is that they are caring and committed to their craft. So many explain that they started informally helping friends and colleagues by sharing their personal experiences. They soon realized they had a talent to help people. After formal education and training and a lot of pluck, they’d make a monumental leap of faith and transition to self-employment and a new career direction.
There are three interesting aspects to this industry.

First, there are no uniform, global regulatory boards or rules. For example, a therapist practicing in California can only help individuals living in California. Regular appointments need to be put on hold when a client vacations in another state. Likewise, standardised global qualifications exist in some quarters but not in all. For example, in certain countries, a therapist with a B.A. majoring in psychology may refer to themselves as a psychologist. In America, however, a psychologist must have achieved a Ph.D. Likewise, Organizational Psychologists are often found in large global corporations teaching cultural awareness to new arrivals. They can’t operate a clinic guiding employees on an individual basis. That this industry needs to and does self-monitor itself at the global level is a credit to its players.

The second interesting aspect is that this support industry is geared to those who have departed, rather than those ‘left behind’. Expats and migrants don’t need to go far to find a therapist or coach who understands their situation. However, when the ‘left behind’ seek support their local therapist may have little or no understanding of the nuances of families separated by geography.
​
Third, when estrangement or similar occurs within geographically separated intergenerational families therapy options are limited. As a general rule clinicians don’t offer simultaneous counselling with all parties across multiple time zones. 

​In 2021 in between COVID lockdowns I recorded the narration for the audio version of Being a Distance Grandparent – a Book for ALL Generations. It involved around nine visits to a small studio in a suburb half an hour away. As I drove along the motorway I would practice making weird sounds attempting to wake up my vocal chords and exercising my lips and tongue. Once there I set up camp in a cubicle that resembled a confessional. To avoid page turning noises I would read from an iPad. An audio technician was listening in studio next door. When I occasionally fluffed my words he’d interrupt me. I would hear his voice in my headphones and I’d need to start again. He would magically piece all the sections together and listeners would never know.
 
One of the lovely things about this project was that my son contributed. He is a broadcaster and works for the classical radio station, WFMT in Chicago. He kindly recorded the Foreword written by global mobility academic, Professor Loretta Baldassar. You may read the Foreword here.
For an audio introduction from myself please click here.
For a free eBook sample please click here.

Readers will know that a house move has dominated my last 12 months. Finally it is over. We moved into our new apartment and it is wonderful to no longer be in transition. Many a time I reflected that we only shifted five minutes down the road. Our family, who has settled overseas, have endured so much more.

I no longer share an office with my husband and adore my new space. By next month I will have decided where the picture frames are hung and will share a photo or two of my new office.
​
We’re getting used to all the extra keys, swipe cards and the like. You soon learn you never go up or down the elevator without carrying something. However, all those slightly annoying aspects of apartment life melt into oblivion when I look out the windows to the beautiful view we now enjoy.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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​This week the new owner settled on our house sale and hubby and I moved to a temporary, small Airbnb. In October we move to our new-build apartment. We bought the apartment off the plans a year ago so transition has been a dominant theme for a year. 

In January we booked a local storage unit as part of this transition. We used it to de-clutter and this week acquired a second one for this week’s move. Our possessions are piled high. It amazes me how much can be squeezed into a small space. 
​
I find these storage facilities interesting liminal spaces. A liminal space is a bridge between where you were and where you’re going – mentally and/or physically – like airports. Customers come and go at the storage facility. You never know who is going to be there when you drive in. At times I think we all feel a tad ‘undressed’ as we load our possessions and push a trolley up a lift and along the corridors looking for our allocated door number and familiar padlock. 

Our current little apartment is a liminal space also. This one comes with the perk of no home maintenance responsibilities - just the basics. I quite like that aspect of our stay. Additionally it's a 15 minute’s walk to a stunning beach. Spring has just arrived 'Downunder'. It's way too early for frolicking in the Pacific Ocean but it’s nice to have the sea so handy. 

​children thrive as they straddle their two cultural worlds? This is the topic ​of an upcoming FIGT webinar I mentioned last month. If you are based in New Zealand and the likes of Australia and interested in global mobility it could be a real eye opener. All are welcome to sit in on this session. It will be recorded for those who cannot attend on the day. Here's a link to a local article (see pg 42). For more information & to register please click here.

​Being separated from family back home is one of the toughest gigs of expat/migrant life. Like a helping hand?
​Grab your copy today.

​For Sale sign - the same day the surgeon picked up his scalpel! 
When the No 1 priority is to recover in peace in a home with no foot traffic, it’s amazing what compromises and adjustments we’ll make.
Doing Distance Families takes lots resilience. I can’t help but feel that decades of Distance Familying adjustments and acceptance are good training for other parts of our lives.
Anyway, back to the topic. We are now in 'packing mode' and my recovery is going well. Our future plans have certainty and that’s a terrific place to be.

​Take care until next time
Helen Ellis
 
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