DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​There are very few academics in the world who research and write about Distance Families, or as they call them, Transnational Families. I have come across most of them, and many feature in my books.

​“South African clinical psychologist Maria Marchetti-Mercer, from the University of Johannesburg, is a specialist in emigration. In a Family Process article, she explains that the impact is extensive and multi-faceted. She adds that the departing family is often so busy organising their move that they spend little time preparing their loved ones for life without them. Also, because of the emotional fallout, they often keep the emigration decision a secret until the last minute, and the extended families then have little time to process it. She explains the consequences: “Emigration is mostly experienced as a vast loss, almost akin to a death, bringing about significant changes in social networks.”
 
Furthermore, leaving South Africa is often seen as abandoning the family and the nation – both of which are culturally and morally significant, especially for Afrikaners. New Zealand anthropologist Kris Finlayson, who studies the Afrikaner diaspora in New Zealand, says that a fair percentage of South African emigrants are even considered “traitors to the Afrikaner cause” of helping fix the country, or “faithless” (not having enough faith that God will protect and provide). Worse still, says Hendrika, the family that emigrates is often excommunicated by the siblings who stay behind. The resulting resentment can seriously damage future family relationships.
 
To be fair, the siblings who remain never asked for an unequal share of responsibilities. Resentment may build as they care for ageing parents – something seen in many countries but felt more acutely in South Africa. Hendrika shared examples of in-country siblings who booked out-of-town holidays to coincide with a sibling’s visit. They’d announce it in the same way a new mum might when her partner walks in the door and she hands him the baby: “They’re… all yours.”
 
Is this the case for all South African Distance Families? No. But the frequency is alarmingly high.”

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​In early November I had a booth at our neighbourhood Art Trail. Locals wandered in to enjoy the sunshine and the art — not expecting to find books that touched something deep inside. Many visitors were expats and migrants. When I spoke about Being a Distance Son or Daughter and mentioned the guilt of leaving family behind, they looked at me — surprised that a local Kiwi understood. A few eyes even watered. It was a joy to share stories and the quiet emotions so many carry. When I asked whether they’d be interested in a local support group for expats and migrants, the answer was a heartfelt “Yes, please.” I’ve promised that when my grandchild book

​Thank you so much for your two books. I have started on the grandparent one first and, oh my goodness, it brings back so many memories and raises a lot to think about. I especially appreciate the stories and your recorded experiences — including the strangeness of visiting a new baby in a whole new cultural context (complete with the amah) and how your story links into what is common for so many in NZ. The ‘pull’ to go overseas for better financial and career opportunities was so strong that our thirty-something selves didn’t really grasp what it did to the wider family emotionally. Your book is making me reflect — thank you so much

Through November I’ve been going back and forth with my U.K. book designer for Being a Distance Grandchild. I emailed over a bulging Word document and she imported the text into software that creates the paperback and eBook internal files. It sounds straightforward, but — like proofreading — everything needs checking and re-checking. When margins are justified on both sides, questions appear: should certain words be hyphenated at line ends or not? So many small decisions. This time, some photos will be included: a few of my own (from my experience as a distance grandchild) and some of the distance grandchildren I feature. The finished layout is so close. Just a dash more to-ing and fro-ing and we're there. Look out for further announcements in the New Year regarding purchasing from Amazon etc.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​November found me planning and booking a 2026 visit to all our family in the U.K. and the U.S.A. Once you add up 10–11 nights with each adult child and family, 2–3 nights with each adult grandchild who lives away from home, overnight flights, daytime flights, and squeeze in a week-long river cruise in Scotland, the total comes to seven and a half weeks. Hubby and I freely admit we’re past our “use-by” date after about five weeks—too bad! We’re simply grateful we can do what we can right now. In a past life, I was a travel agent, so I genuinely enjoy planning these trips. I create a simple Excel file with dates on the left, locations and movements in the centre, and costs on the right. It’s not very sophisticated, but it works for me. ​By mid-December, our Edinburgh-based granddaughter arrives for a month’s holiday. A few days after she lands, she’ll come over to decorate our tree, have dinner with us, and then we’ll bus into town to visit a famous residential street known for its Christmas lights. Our community choir will be busking there, and our granddaughter will be rattling the donation bucket—no doubt adorned with a Santa hat and plenty of sparkly trimmings to complement her red hair.

Just after Christmas hubby and I fly south to join a short expedition cruise at the bottom of New Zealand, visiting Stewart Island and the Fiordland National Park. I’ll report back in the New Year all about this exciting nature adventure.   Make the most of Christmas. If family is visiting—or you’re visiting them—revel in every moment. And if your home won’t be full this year, consider whether there’s someone who might appreciate an invitation to yours. Seasons greetings and take care until next time.  Helen Ellis

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

In-country family: Treat them like gold ​ I've often emphasised the importance of the in-country family — the siblings who stayed behind when others moved overseas. When distance parents or grandparents grow older and need more support, these devoted in-country family members truly shine. They become a lifeline not only for their parents but also for their distance siblings.   A well-functioning distance family is not a two-sided relationship. It has three sides, and the in-country sibling (or siblings) forms that crucial third side of the family triangle. Their presence helps reduce uncertainty and keeps everyone connected. ​Local siblings never asked for their unequal share of

BOOK SERIES NEWS

October was all about manuscript editing and proofreading for Being a Distance Grandchild. Each day would end with emails and attachments flying back and forth across the world between my UK-based editor and proofreader and me. It’s a painstaking and often numbing process — but essential. Writing a book is the straightforward part. Reading a hard copy out loud, shaping it, editing, and proofreading are all part of a meticulous, multi-layered journey. And such a valuable one.   I’m thrilled to report that the job is now DONE — and it feels fantastic! The manuscript has moved on to my book designer, who will lay out the pages, insert photographs, and ensure everything looks consistent and polished.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​“Some family members adapt to geographical separation more easily than others. I’ve met grandparents who are heartbroken when their family moves two hours away, while others respond with calm acceptance – even when their loved one is thrilled to have secured citizenship in a new country.   “These are vastly different reactions, but in both cases, the way each family member interprets and responds to the change plays a major role in how well the family navigates it. As [global mobility scholar] Professor Loretta Baldassar points out, it’s not always about the actual distance. What matters more is how family members perceive the quality of their relationships, and what that physical separation means to them. The inner workings of a family – its dynamics, communication style, and emotional resilience – can’t be overlooked, especially when globalisation becomes part of the These are vastly different reactions.” (extract from Being a Distance Grandchild)   October brought such a citizenship milestone for us and we’re overjoyed. Our American-based daughter acquired her U.S. citizenship. When one first secures a

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​Global Mobility Author Webinar This annual event is one I’m always delighted to be part of—and you’re warmly invited to join us. You can watch and listen live on the day or catch the recording later at your convenience. 60 minutes webinar (recorded) 30 minutes (unrecorded, live Q & A’s) It’s always a joy to seek out and invite such a diverse group of authors. This year’s panellists come from Melbourne, Mexico, Michigan, Surrey (UK), Nairobi, and Amsterdam. Coordinating across all those time zones means some very early mornings and late nights, but it’s worth it! Not sure if you’ll be free? Go ahead and register anyway—you’ll get a reminder email a couple of days beforehand, and you can watch the replay if the timing doesn’t work.

Letters Now Sent One of the authors featured above, Megan Norton-Newbanks, is also the editor of a recent publication, Letters Now Sent. As Megan explains: “It is a moving collection of real, heartfelt letters written by, and to individuals who have lived cross-culturally. Inspired by Ruth Van Reken’s seminal Letters Never Sent, this volume opens a window into the emotional landscapes of identity, belonging, and transition.” I was honoured to be invited to contribute a letter of my own, which I wrote to my distance adult children. It now appears in the book. I truly value these kinds of collaborative projects—they bring together diverse global mobility voices and shared experiences in such a meaningful way. Megan is now starting on Volume II. This is an opportunity to reflect on places one has, or still living in. Megan notes, “This project is for anyone who has left a place that shaped them in some meaningful way” Contributions are welcomed by anyone.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

Helen’s writing is both familiar and reassuring, skilfully blending academic theory with personal narratives drawn from her own experience and from those she has interviewed. Being a Distance Grandchild gives a much-needed voice to family members often overlooked in conversations about expatriate life. As the mother of a distance grandchild, I found the book offered valuable insight into how my daughter navigates her relationship with her grandparents and how she has been able to create a truly special bond with them — despite the miles between them. Korinne Algie, Editor - International School Parent magazine

“Being a Distance Grandchild is the book we’ve needed for a long time now. Helen Ellis captures the often-unspoken voice of grandchildren growing up far from their grandparents, and she does it with honesty, heart, and hope. This is essential reading for any family navigating life across miles—it proves that distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection.” Greg Payne, Founder of The Cool Grandpa Podcast, Grandfather Expert and Author

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Do you live in the USA, or have family there? ​If so, you’ve probably seen in the news that, due to recent tariff changes, many countries have temporarily suspended parcel deliveries to America until the situation becomes clearer. At present, you can still send a letter or greeting card, but not a parcel.   One of my U.S. grandsons has a birthday in September. His gift is wrapped and ready, sitting on my desk—but the Post Office won’t accept it. As it languishes on the wrong side of the Pacific Ocean, I’m reminded of one of the key findings from my master’s thesis and my book Being a Distance Grandparent: “Change is a constant companion.” I wrote:

​Distance Grandparenting regularly evolves, flip-flops and transitions as life and whatever the world throws at it causes constant change. Nothing stays the same for long and at times our worlds can feel like an emotional yo-yo – much of it beyond our control

BOOK SERIES NEWS

August – Draft reviewed by Beta Readers ✅ September – Formal reviewers and the Foreword’s author read the draft and prepare their contributions (in progress) October – Professional editor completes the final edit and a full proofread (booked) November – Professional designer formats both the paperback and eBook editions (booked) December – New Zealand paperbacks printed (since Amazon isn’t just down the road—and the printer is taking January off!) January – A short holiday for me, plus loading the books online February – Promotional activity begins March – Publication, launch party and champagne 🍾

ON THE HOME FRONT

“Since a fair proportion of my discourse has focused on the less encouraging aspects of how Distance Grandparenting is, it seems only honest and appropriate to say, from my own perspective and others, there are plenty of positives, especially if one takes the attitude that one door opens and another closes.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​First, friends and followers of Families in Global Transition (#FIGT) gathered in Chicago to celebrate Ruth Van Reken’s 80th birthday. Ruth is the co-author of Third Culture Kids, a landmark book in the global mobility space, and a tireless advocate for families navigating international lives. She kindly reviewed my Distance Grandparent book and is already lined up as an official reviewer for the Distance Grandchild edition. To mark this special milestone, some of us from the Australia/New Zealand FIGT affiliate recorded a pre-birthday Zoom greeting for Ruth—lots of laughs and heartfelt messages included.

​We're a place for frank and full conversation about being a parent and working in the international aid and development sector. We're here to support one another, share resources, make connections, celebrate the ups and tackle the downs.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​This week, Being a Distance Grandchild moved into the next stage of production. Copies of the draft have been sent to Beta Readers. These aren’t professional editors, but rather everyday readers who are interested in the topic. Their role isn’t to correct punctuation or grammar, but to provide feedback on the writing voice and content from a reader’s perspective. It’s a truly global effort—my Beta Readers are based in New Zealand, Canada, Australia, and Serbia. ​Over the years, I’ve done many international interviews and podcasts about Distance Families and my book series. But for various reasons ​(not least of which was COVID), in-person local events have been few and far between. That’s changing! I now have a couple of local events in the diary. I’m looking forward to connecting with nearby readers. One highlight coming up is the Indie Writers Festival at my local library.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

 BOOK SERIES NEWS

ON THE HOME FRONT

Either side of that event, over two weekends (plus a bit more), we were all glued to our screens watching some serious live-stream action. My nephew-in-law, @simon_strides (you’ll spot him on the sofa with his wife and three little kids), competed in two “Backyard Ultra – Last One Standing” marathons—one north of Auckland and the other in Queensland, Australia. You might be wondering, “What on earth is that?” Well, it’s a truly bonkers endurance event. Every hour, on the hour, runners complete a 6.7 km (4.1 mile) loop. They run, then grab a short rest—hydrate, maybe eat, doze, regroup—and go again. At base camp, a volunteer crew supports them with food, massages, and moral support, all while snatching

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Margot Andersen is no stranger to the ups and downs of repatriation. As the founder of the InSync Network Group, she supports globally experienced Australians navigating their return and rebuilding careers that reflect who they are today. She’s even gone as far as launching the InSync Club – a dedicated community created to support. Here’s a couple of great articles from her. Home Strange Home: When coming home feels oddly foreign Finding Your Way Back: Why community matters for returning expats Like to learn more? You’re invited to join us for a webinar when Margot will share her expertise on repatriation.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​May was a month of rich back-and-forth with adult distance grandchildren whose stories will feature in Being a Distance Grandchild – a Book for ALL Generations. It’s been a true privilege to walk alongside them as they’ve revisited memories and reflections—and the connection has flowed both ways. Here’s a glimpse of the feedback I’ve received as we’ve fine-tuned their story drafts.

I think that I have mopped up my tears sufficiently to reply. It is a well written piece of work. I certainly give permission for it to be used.  ​We love your writing!  Wishing you all the best and you know we will be shouting support from the sidelines. ​Oh my. I can’t speak. Tears. Your writing is excellent. I love this chapter. I don’t know how to say thank you for writing this. Thank you I did get a bit emotional reading it. It reminded me of things from my past that have so strongly influenced my life and attitudes today.”

ON THE HOME FRONT

​This time of year brings a flurry of arts and cultural events to Auckland. After a couple of years of letting them pass me by due to travel and general busyness, I decided to make the most of it—and booked us up to the max. I started with a real-life couple, two-hander stage play called In Other Words. It explored the effects of Alzheimer’s disease – standing ovation stuff – very moving. During a recent holiday, we caught the National Youth Jazz Competition, where talented high schoolers from across the North Island wowed us. We proudly cheered on our son’s old school and loved every minute of the two afternoons of performances. Back in Auckland, we soaked up the Aotearoa Art Fair and an organ concert at the Town Hall one Sunday. The following weekend, it was The Salt Path, a moving film

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

One group that knows poor WIFI all too well is missionary families, who often live in remote or dangerous locations with limited infrastructure. I'm excited to share that I’ve been invited by #MissionsInterlink — an Australian-based organisation supporting missionary families across generations and across the world — to present a webinar on the unique and shared challenges faced by intergenerational missionary families. This special kind of distance family has much to teach us all. Anyone is welcome to attend. Click here for more information. Please note: there is a fee to attend, with prices listed in Australian dollars.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​Also, during our recent holiday, I visited several retirement villages. We were staying in New Zealand’s "retirement capital," where there’s certainly no shortage. ​My goal was to donate a copy of Being a Distance Grandparent – A Book for ALL Generations to each village’s residents' library. At every visit, I received a warm welcome from the receptionist. In some cases, as they grasped the theme of the book, I saw their eyes well up with tears. This is a topic close to many hearts — often quietly tucked away. Some receptionists were migrants themselves and immediately connected with the book’s message. Others, as grandparents, shared how grateful they were to have family nearby — or opened up about their own distance situations. A day or so later, I was touched to receive this email.

ON THE HOME FRONT

Over the past month, my right ankle has taken up a lot of mental space. In February — without warning and after years of no trouble — it suddenly flared up. Within days, I was equipped with a knee scooter, moon boot, and a raft of appointments. All this, of course, happened while our U.S. family was visiting. I’ve since had X-rays, an ultrasound, an MRI, and countless consultations with physios, podiatrists, doctors, and finally an orthopaedic surgeon. The verdict: I have very flat feet (that wasn't new news!) a congenital issue with two ankle bones and I need an ankle replacement. But first, they would have to remove a titanium rod that's been happily embedded in my tibia for 23 years after an old fracture — and it may not come out easily, if at all. Meanwhile, my ankle has been settling. Thanks to a cortisone injection, it’s functioning reasonably well. Knowing it will never be perfect, but is "good enough" for now, I approached the surgeon to ask if we could delay the first stage of surgery, originally booked for July, and instead ramp up the use of orthotics. Thankfully, he agreed — he’s not one to operate unless necessarily.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

BOOK SERIES NEWS

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

BOOK SERIES NEWS

ON THE HOME FRONT

​We've had a blessed Southern Hemisphere summer with our three overseas children visiting New Zealand, along with the families of two. Since mid-December, we’ve only had three weeks without guests—it’s been huge, noisy, hectic, and often crazy. Our new apartment has coped, though at times it felt like it was bursting at the seams. We’re deeply grateful they made the journey Downunder, knowing the effort it takes to step away from work, pack up life, and juggle visits, sightseeing, and reunions. Our home became the hub—endless food and drinks ferried up the lift, meals prepared, leftovers recycled. We’re no strangers to hosting; our eldest has lived abroad for 35 years, making us veterans of visits in either direction. Yet each time, we reflect—children grow, new grandchildren appear, and life moves into fresh seasons. ​ ​A Few Reflections Our three overseas kids, and their children, love New Zealand. We’re grateful they make the effort, even for brief stays. Despite the distance, we don’t feel disconnected—our relationships are simply different from those who live closer.

This visit brought a special guest—our son's US mother-in-law, visiting NZ for the first time. Born the same day and year as me, we quickly rekindled common ground as two Scorpios with shared values. It was a joy getting to know her better. Two grandmothers, one grandson—no problem. We understood our places in the family dynamic and embraced them. He is her only grandchild, and he’s lucky to have her two hours down the road. After all these years of long-distance family, we had a ‘first’: our son and daughter-in-law wanted to show her mom around NZ but could do more without their 14-month-old in tow. They entrusted him to us for four days and three nights—our first solo distance grandparenting experience! Not that our other distance adult children ever doubted us, but overnight stays had always been a step too far. This little one was a dream—12-hour night sleeps, three-hour naps, eating everything, always smiling. Even if it never happens again, we’ll cherish those blissful days of one-on-one grandparenthood. ​ The Realities of Hosting Visits demand both emotional and physical resilience. ​The first, we managed. The second—less so. ​I injured my​