DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

It was a pleasure to be back on the podcast airwaves again with Emily and Mike Morgan from ‘The Grand Life’. Here’s more about their work. “Grandparenting with our whole hearts takes time and intention. ‘The Grand Life’ podcast entertains, educates, and enlightens grandparents who want to become the best they can be. Author Emily Morgan and her husband Mike host an exploration of grandparenting, the relationships within the role, and the ways in which our grandparenting impacts our children... and their children”. ​​I love the way they support grandparents

BOOK SERIES NEWS

I requested your book from my public library but they did not have it in their collection. Much to my surprise, however, they bought it on Amazon and it was sent directly to me. All I have to do is return it now that I’ve finished reading it and the library will add it to its collection.

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​The Biggest Culture Gaps are Within Countries, Not Between Them

,Curiosity about all-things global mobility is a beneficial attribute for members of Distance Families. When your understanding is continuously growing as to ‘how it is’ for the other generations of your family it’s easier to find empathy for their situation rather than solely focus on your own.   I love sharing articles that increase understanding of intergenerational global families. Here's a selection.   Resources for those arriving in a new location ​ The cost to organisations of failed global assignments ​ Overcoming expat guilt

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ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

We will remember July 2023 as the hottest month the world has ever recorded. How do rising temperatures affect Distance Families? When moving permanently to a new location our bodies tend to adjust overtime to the local temperatures. But when you’re temporarily thrown into extreme weather on a vacation, for example visiting family, it can be overwhelming. Coming from a temperate climate, I don’t cope well in intense heat. A few years ago I spent a couple of months in the southern states of the U.S. in a June and July. I saw locals in jeans while I was expiring in my coolest sun dress. I vowed and declared I would never visit family again during those months. At the other extreme, we also said we’d never visit Chicago in winter where our son lives because we’re inexperienced coping with icy, snowy conditions.

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​July saw the 1st birthday of Being a Distance Son or Daughter. Where did those 12 months go? I am so pleased to have this book available to global families. No one is addressing this aspect of being an expat or immigrant and I’m pleased to provide a launching pad for conversations. Reviews are here and the book is  available as a paperback or e-book here. If you'd like your local library to stock a copy please pass them a copy of this information sheet. It might do the trick. ​Authors are told they need to have a social media presence. I work pretty hard in that department. But lately I have realised there isn’t enough separation between my personal social media and author/global mobility social media. So I have created a second Facebook profile to solve this. If you’d like to follow me and/or Distance Families you are spoilt for choice. Be sure to check out the full social media ‘range’ here with the latest new addition noted.

ON THE HOME FRONT

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Talking of International Schools, this month I will be facilitating a webinar that is open to all.  Bianca will be sharing some interesting discoveries from her PhD work on accent and TCKs (Third Culture Kids). She will talk about what’s different about accent development in English-speaking expatriate communities, using Hong Kong and Singapore as examples. She will then talk about the role of identity and belonging in accent change after children move to a permanent home, using New Zealand as an example. She is looking forward to discussing these findings after her talk. Bianca is originally from New Zealand and grew up as a TCKin Hong Kong. She has worked as a Speech-Language Therapist since 2000 and recently completed her PhD entitled "Dialect Change and 'Returning' Third Culture Kids". She now lectures Speech-Language Therapy at Massey University in Auckland, New Zealand, where she lives with her 4-year old son, Elliot.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​In publishing circles cover design is a hot topic. Every detail is analysed to the nth degree. I decided the upcoming grandchild book’s cover needed some slight tweaking. After consulting the experts and several back and forth changes, here’s the updated cover with its additional subtitle.  Right now I am busy interviewing past and present Distance Grandchildren from across the globe. Like to know what they've been saying? Scroll down here for some insightful feedback. To be published in 2024

ON THE HOME FRONT

The most exciting news I am finally able to share is that hubby and I have another grandchild on the way. Those of you who have been following Distance Families for at least a couple of years will recall the pandemic virtual wedding of our Chicago son and daughter-in-law in 2021. They are expecting a son, due between Christmas and New Year. We will be in the U.K. visiting other family then. After ensuring we wouldn't be imposing we have changed our January homebound flights. Instead of returning via the East we'll travel around the other side of the world, via the States for a brief cuddle. This is a lovely addition to our family and our 6th grandchild to be born overseas.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​In circles of ‘on the move’, rotational, every-two-or-three-years expats, June is frequently the month, especially in the Northern Hemisphere, when many are packing up, saying goodbyes and heading to their next assignment destination, in time for the next school year commencing August/September. ​ These families are often from the corporate, diplomatic, military or missionary worlds. In most cases the moves are a choice; sometimes they’re not.

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​Second, on Mother’s Day, hubby and I went to the city for a dose of culture. While there, we popped into the central city branch of Auckland Libraries. I had been aware a copy of my books are available in its ‘Central

First I discovered a New Zealand, dedicated ebook retailer - new for our country. Normally we have to order from afar.  If you're keen to 'Buy NZ' you now have choices. Click here for meBooks.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​During May we put our U.K. grandson back on a plane home to enjoy the Northern Hemisphere summer and the last year of his law degree. He’s been in New Zealand for eight months and spent a fair slice of that time living with us. We’ve been grateful to connect with him in this way. We all know each other much better – “warts ‘n all” as they say. When we visit the U.K. this winter, reconnections will be seamless - such a luxury as distance grandparents. Our weather woes continue in New Zealand cemented by this headline in the local rag. We've had a whole year's rain in six months. Despite these issues it doesn’t get super cold in Auckland. ​We're booked to visit​

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Well-received articles this month include a super useful guide to tipping in the U.S. I was chuffed to achieve close to 100% when I did the online quiz – confirmation I have mainly been doing things right on our U.S. visits - phew. Additionally, here is a wonderful global restaurant tipping guide courtesy of global thinker and author @DavidLivermore. ​ Another great article is titled, Ways to Share Your Family History with Your Grandkid. The author, Elaine McAllister noted, "It’s a sobering thought, but family stories are generally lost within three generations unless they are preserved in writing or by some other means."

Are you an Instagram fan? Check out #Mayonthemove. It is a month-long, collaborative discussion by anyone and everyone about all things global living.  Scan the QR code for more info or follow @thefrustratednester.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

​Two years ago I proudly published the first book in the Distance Families Book Series. The subtitle of each book is ‘A Book for ALL Generations’. Empathy between generations, especially those separated by geography, is a powerful lubricant to a well-functioning, extended family. Click here for links to reviews and free chapters (audio & printed) of 'Being a Distance Grandparent. Read the book already? Reviews are so appreciate by would-be readers. I would love and appreciate your review. Here’s a link to  the various review platforms - thanks HE.

‘Being a Distance Grandchild’ is well and truly under construction. I have many Zoom interviews planned with Distance Grandchildren around the world. Like to know how things are going with this project? Regularly check here.

ON THE HOME FRONT

National public holidays and commemorative events bring generations together even when separated by geography. Downunder, in New Zealand and Australia, this always happens on the 25th of April (ANZAC Day) when soldiers from both countries are remembered. Let me introduce my 6-year-old Distance Grandchild. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia and speaks with a Southern drawl. He plays baseball and is American through and through. However, he is also half Kiwi and his Mum works hard to ensure he understands his New Zealand heritage and its culture. Here’s his commendable artistic NZ flag drawing effort at the recent Australia/New Zealand combined ANZAC Day event in Atlanta, Georgia. The Union Jack is a little oversized but the stars are coloured red… he knows the difference. At the event they played cricket and touch rugby, ate lamingtons & Anzac biscuits and on the way home the other lad said “I miss New Zealand”.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

Photo credit: "Starbucks (closed until evening due to Ramadan)" by Studio Sarah Lou is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

For about 2 billion Muslims around the world – almost a quarter of humanity – it's Ramadan, the holiest period in the Islamic calendar. This year, the first day of Ramadan's sunrise-to-sunset fasting began at sunrise on Thursday, March 23, and lasts until the evening of Thursday, April 20 [..] if you're not Muslim, you might still not know exactly what to say (and not say) to Muslim friends                [,family], co-workers and colleagues during the month, whether they're fasting or not."  ​Eda Uzunlar

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​Copyright Licensing New Zealand’s Partnership Fund aims to partner with sector groups and individuals that are connecting to, or working with, diverse voices and communities on projects which align with their CLNZ Cultural Fund objectives. I am delighted to announce that my forthcoming book, Being a Distance Grandchild, has been awarded a grant. ​Thank you CLNZ for supporting the voices of New Zealand and global Distance Families.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​The feijoa fruit tree is native to Brazil, Uruguay, Paraguay and Argentina. According to Google they were brought to New Zealand in the 1920s where new varieties were developed. We have one very generous tree that’s exceedingly kind to us in March. ​Feijoas are one of the most vitamin C-rich foods you can eat. This is helpful with winter around the corner. You cut them in half and scoop out the flesh. Their taste is unique. In New Zealand people either loathe them or love them. We’re the latter – especially because they’re fresh and free. Each day hubby and I strengthen a few muscles crawling under the low hanging tree collecting yet another bowl full.

​A bonus extra of being a Distance Parent/Grandparent is the visiting friends our overseas children ask us to temporarily befriend, in some way or other. Years ago they were backpackers on a budget with vague and mysterious plans. These days our kids are older and their friends stay in hotels and have itineraries. In March we got to know an American colleague of our U.S. based daughter, and his lovely wife. We took them out for the day, gave them a bunch of travel planning advice which they said was invaluable and shared a meal together on their final night. When we gave them a very kiwi (chocolate) parting gift they immediately recognised the towns noted on the packaging where ingredients are sourced and chocolates named after. Our lives are richer for these encounters and next time our daughter and her colleague meet up they’ll have lots to talk about.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​Early in the month I was the guest speaker for a webinar hosted by The World Bank Group Family Network. The bank’s employees are truly global as they're despatched to all corners of the globe. 500 staff and/or partners registered for the event! That’s pretty daunting when the kick-off time in New Zealand is 7am.  ​I salute the #worldbankgroup and all other family-friendly, global employers who recognise that their staff, spouses and children are more than just employees, partners and off-spring. Every minute of every day they are also Distance Daughters, Distance Sons, Distance Grandchildren and more. These roles never leave their being, no matter where they live and hugely affect the success and personal happiness of their global career assignments.

Last month I shared that I had won the ‘Super Gran’ award over the holidays. ​Well this month I've acquired another title, a Granfluencer... bestowed upon me by the awesome team at #Peekabond. You may read more here. Be sure to check out their terrific intergenerational communication app. Click on the logo below.

BOOK SERIES NEWS

Last month I wrote about kicking off my research and writing the third book in the Distance Families Book Series, 'Being a Distance Grandchild - a Book for ALL Generations'. Here is a picture of just some of my research after a big sort out on the kitchen counter. And there is lots more where it came from. It's all about families (distance and close), grandchildren, grandparenting... sadly not one single article is about 'how it is' being a distance grandchild. I have noted in the book's draft... "When I did my masters and wrote Being a Distance Grandparent I found a sprinkling of academic commentary discussing the nature of distance grandparent’s relationships with their geographically separated grandchildren. In reverse, no formal scholarship exists from the grandchild’s perspective. To the best of my knowledge this book is breaking new ground."

ON THE HOME FRONT

February has been a month to remember. New Zealand was hammered with further unimaginable weather bombs. Many parts of the North Island, some as close as 40 minutes away from me are devastated beyond all imagination and may never be occupied again, due to slips and destroyed roads. ​We remain ever grateful our house has survived. Our only incident was trying to stake our seriously leaning, curb side tree with a length of old hose in 100+ km winds. It will be a case of ‘wait and see’ if the tree survives over the next few months.

​As our U.S. distance family has settled back into their routines after visiting NZ it was lovely to catch up on Facetime the other day to see our grandsons playing a newly purchased game of Ludo. We found the boardgame in a cupboard at a holiday house we stayed at during New Year. The boys had never played it before so there was a learning curve and some upset when one or other couldn’t roll a 6 to start. It was terrific to see they had moved on from their early Ludo emotional encounters and now play with resilience and acceptance. Our distance family in-person connections are fleeting but you never know what they are learning and taking home with them.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

BOOK SERIES NEWS

Researching and writing the third book of the Distance Families Book Series, Being a Distance Grandchild – a Book for ALL Generations is on the agenda for 2023. I will publish it is 2024. Right now ‘the book’ is a ring binder of messy notes, many folders of formal research and a bunch of mainstream books I am in the middle of reading and others I need to read again... plus a whole lot of ideas constantly swirling around in my brain. Before I ever wrote a book, I naively imagined authors just sat down and wrote – and that was that. Sadly it’s not that simple for most of us. For me, writing a book is like putting a massive jigsaw together – one that has lost the cover with the picture. Random thoughts come from here and there and I am constantly thinking, “where did I write about that earlier?” Thank goodness for the Word search engine. My first books were each around 60,000 words. It’s not uncommon to find authors write 75,000-80,000 words before they finally tell themselves in a very loud voice, “stop”. That is me.  Just a reminder that you may listen to and read the following free chapters. Being a Distance Grandparent: listen to the Introduction narrated by me Being a Distance Son or Daughter: read the chapter, Unpacking Emotions

ON THE HOME FRONT

​A week ago, Auckland where I live, experienced a month's rain in just a few hours. The downpour had been forecasted but the volume took everyone by surprise. Elton John was performing and the concert was cancelled just 30 minutes prior to commencement - that's how much of a surprise it was. The heaviest rain... ever.  People died.   Auckland isn't a tidy symmetrical city with a ring road. It sits on extinct volcanoes with lots of hills and cliffs with a huge harbour on the easterly side heading out to the Pacific Ocean and another harbour on the westerly side to the Tasman Ocean. It's a messy city to manage in a disaster.   I can report we were safe. The photo on the right shows how high the water reached in our garden and created a swimming pool in our back yard. The photo on the left is typical of many parts of the city. I know two elderly ladies (80s & 90s) who live just 15 minutes away and experienced torrents of water in their retirement village villas. Life is going to be tough for them. Fortunately, they have near, ‘in-country’ family but everyone’s' lives have been thrown into disarray for months.

This is a stark wake up call for all distance family generations. Whether it is an unexpected illness, an accident, an ailing loved one or these days, a global warming weather disaster at home or abroad – geographical separation doesn’t always blend well. Questions are rightly get asked about whether one or other is living in the right place. Values are reassessed and for some, big tipping-point decisions regarding repatriation are on the table… and that’s okay. ​ ​On a lighter side the day after our family flew out we had a wonderful, retractable pergola installed in our garden. A welcome relief from the sun (when it decides to show itself). Of course it was supposed to be installed before our family arrived for Christmas, but thanks to endless shipping delays it never happened. We’ll all get to enjoy it another time. Finally, on our recent summer holiday I was encouraged (pushed!) to enter the Supergran Award at the holiday camp. I am delighted to advise I won. One for the CV.

DISTANCE FAMILIES NEWS

​Christmas/New Year 2022/3 has created a ‘line in the sand’ for so many Distance Families. We were separated during the 2020/221 pandemic and finally, most families have been able to reunite, in at least one direction – mine included. During many airport visits it was hard to miss the ‘COVID babies’ snuggly enclosed in parental front packs, meeting their grandparents for the first time. Many a Love Actually scene unfolded nearby, making my eyes water.   Pent up emotions spilled over like the opening of a shaken beer can. Expectations of what the visits meant to all parties were high. What have we learned?

BOOK SERIES NEWS

The Distance Families Book Series is a perfect addition for public libraries… anywhere in the world.   I would love your support by spreading this message. Check out the Libraries page on my website. You are able to download an information sheet to pass to your favourite librarian. ​Please share success stories with me – especially with a photo. Thanks for your support here.

ON THE HOME FRONT

​And how do we feel? It was totally awesome to have all the family here and to finally enjoy the magic moments of hosting overseas grandkids in New Zealand. I even got to win the Super Grandmother competition at a holiday campsite. ​The visit was settling for our daughter who has no choice but to live in the U.S. and has worked very hard at making the States home. We're proud of the job she has done and we're each accepting of our different situations.   We're also happy to admit we're ready for a rest, get our house back to normal, and enjoy our regular quiet existence, until next time.   I'll finish with our daughter's final FB post...

​This month’s newsletter is a little late because I have been wearing my Distance Parent and Distance Grandparent hat. My U.S. son & daughter-in-law visited for 12 days and two days ago we put our daughter and two incredibly energetic, 'Ever-ready Battery' grandsons on the plane back to the U.S.   Three and a half weeks of rambunctious, noisy chaos, Lego everywhere, beautiful sunshine mixed in with a week of stuck-indoors, cyclone weather. Every day has been totally consumed with meal production, child-minding, laundry, entertainment, and Netflix when we're all a bit desperate.   A pile of linen is processing through the laundry, Christmas decorations are yet to be dismantled and there's a line of toys & kiddie furniture waiting at the bottom of the stairs to be carried up & stored in the loft.   In time we'll get to the sand-filled cars & car seats, borrowed bits n pieces and a house that is overdue for a deep clean from tip to toe.

That’s a wrap. My most important priority on this trip was for the boys to ‘fall in love with New Zealand’ (which included consuming something in the range of 60+ fruit mince pies per kid…).
 
I was explaining to friends the other day how I hoped to give the boys ‘a sense of their New Zealand identity’. Peter then piped up from the next room, “I think you gave us too much sense!” “How so?” I enquired, curious about his usage of the word ‘sense’. “Well, now we don’t wanna go home!” Just as well this is also your home, little lads of mine.

While there have been plenty of hiccups large and small, untold screen time, the disintegration of many habits and routines, plenty of banshee mummy moments and more rain than I would have liked, New Zealand has come alive for my boys - the place, the people, the tastes, sounds, smells, the culture(s). Can’t wait to bring these little Kimericans (as they’ve labeled themselves) back to Aotearoa.

And with that, wanna roll the credits on this epic adventure…
…Creative Director, Producer, and all-things-as-needed…Helen Ellis
…Fruit Cake and Ice Cream Overlord and Sommelier…Clive Ellis

Thank you for bearing with the utter chaos and even greater charm that are your two Kimerican grandsons with more energy than 10 Energizer bunnies. Enjoy the endless peace and quiet.
​
And if you’re looking for your sanity, it’s probably buried in the loose legos or in that teapot they kept playing with. No, I think it’s under the boogie boards. Good luck finding it in any case